‘If we are together then we will have the best Christmas we could wish for’

Al from The Dad Network talks to us about how recurrent miscarriage has made he and his wife stronger. They’re preparing to celebrate this Christmas as a family and focus on being grateful for what they have.

Tommy's guest blog, 20/12/2016, by Al

Christmas is such a family orientated time of year and for those struggling to start or add to their family, this season can be a painful reminder of what (or who) they don't have.

Al Ferguson, founder of The Dad Network, and his wife Jen have suffered the pain for miscarriage four times.

But this year they are using their experience of recurrent miscarriage to remind them what is important this year.

by Al

‘What doesn't kill you makes you stronger’

A saying that I’ve heard so many times but never really considered the meaning of. 

When we experienced our first miscarriage I felt like my heart had broken. To watch my wife so upset and not be able to fix it made me feel utterly useless.

At the time it felt like the end of the world and I could see no way to come back from such a difficult and dark place.

But now, four miscarriages later I realise that although the pain of baby loss is such a devastating thing, it does actually make us stronger as people, but most importantly as a couple. 

Four miscarriages have taught us how to open up and discuss our feelings in the rawest way possible. They have taught us how listen, really listen, to each other. They have helped me learn things about my wife I would never have learnt had we not experienced such pain together.

Each miscarriage creates an extra bond between us that cannot be broken. 

When you experience something as heartbreaking as a miscarriage you hold on to one another tightly and you learn to love one another in a whole new way.

We have learnt how to pick ourselves up, gain strength from each other and carry on. Most importantly we have learned to be so very grateful for each other and for our son. 

The miscarriages have taught us to take nothing for granted and to cherish every moment with him. Even the hard days are made easier by focusing on how lucky we are to have him and to be parents. 

Our miscarriages have taught us what is important in life and what is not. They put life in perspective and they make us focus on what we do have, rather than what we don’t.

With Christmas around the corner we are thankful for each other and for our son. We will of course spoil him rotten but our miscarriages have taught us the importance of time together. 

Nothing, nothing is more important. 

We will approach the festive season with a desire to fill our family home with love and happiness and create many wonderful memories.

We won’t be stressing over the little things. If the wrapping paper doesn't match, a present doesn't arrive, if the dinner burns or if the guests don't turn up, we won’t be batting an eyelid. 

If we are together then we will have the best Christmas we could wish for.

Family is everything to me and although I will think about the four babies that we have lost, as I do every day, I will be cherishing the time I get to spend with my son and my wife. 

I will take time to sit back and look at all that I do have, a wife that I adore with all of my heart and a son that makes me feel like the luckiest man alive.

Christmas can be a difficult time of year for lots of people, especially those coping with baby loss. You can read our midwife Sophie's advice for taking care of yourself if this Christmas is going to be a difficult one here.

Read more Tommy's Christmas stories

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