Yesterday I was pregnant and today I am not

In fact I'd known it wouldn't work out. Since we found out we were pregnant. Why would it work for us when it hadn't worked twice before?

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE story, 22/05/2017, by Claire

I am miscarrying. Right now.

Yesterday I was pregnant and today I am not. This has happened before twice now, much earlier but it was no less shocking and no less painful. After an early scan showed I was nowhere near where I needed to be and my hormone levels were low I knew.

In fact I'd known it wouldn't work out. Since we found out we were pregnant. Why would it work for us when it hadn't worked twice before?

And I sit here bleeding and cramping and crying with my husband in America helpless while I sobbed at him over WhatsApp. I can't Facebook it, cannot tell my colleagues why I'm not so 'with it' today (although mercifully my boss has been amazing).

Why can't we be more open about this? What is stopping us from sharing our stories more? Why do I feel ashamed to be trying for children or even ashamed to be having this miscarriage?

Next time it will be even worse. I almost dread every positive pregnancy test now. But I hope we get there.

Right now I can't be positive. I can't be happy for people who are pregnant and I can't be excited for my cousin who has just, today, given birth. But that's ok. It will pass and my husband will come home and hug me and we'll get through it. Because we have to.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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