The worst thing about dealing with the loss was the sense of isolation

At the time I was so vulnerable and insensitive comments wounded me deeply.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.


May 2016

My husband and me had been together for almost 20 years and trying for a baby for 7 years when the doctor broke it to me that I'd finally became pregnant but unfortunately I had miscarried. I remember leaving the surgery in a total daze of devastation.The worst thing about dealing with the loss was the sense of isolation I felt and well-meaning but inappropriate comments like, 'It wasn't meant to be' and ' everything happens for a reason'... They hurt me so much.

Some people even failed to recognise my loss at all.

One even said, 'but you weren't very far so it wasn't like a proper pregnancy'... Erm, yes, it WAS actually! At the time I was so vulnerable and comments like this wounded me deeply. They made me retreat further and bottle everything up which is the last thing I needed. I did eventually find people who were more sympathetic and thankfully I went on to have two beautiful children with IVF but I'll never forget my first baby, even though I never met them. I won't let anyone diminish what they meant to me or try to make light of my sense of loss. Talking to other women who have suffered miscarriage has helped me to come to terms with what happened. What I feel is normal. I hope in turn that my experience can help other women come to terms with their loss, too.

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer


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