My husband and me had been together for almost 20 years and trying for a baby for 7 years when the doctor broke it to me that I'd finally became pregnant but unfortunately I had miscarried. I remember leaving the surgery in a total daze of devastation.The worst thing about dealing with the loss was the sense of isolation I felt and well-meaning but inappropriate comments like, 'It wasn't meant to be' and ' everything happens for a reason'... They hurt me so much.
Some people even failed to recognise my loss at all.
One even said, 'but you weren't very far so it wasn't like a proper pregnancy'... Erm, yes, it WAS actually! At the time I was so vulnerable and comments like this wounded me deeply. They made me retreat further and bottle everything up which is the last thing I needed. I did eventually find people who were more sympathetic and thankfully I went on to have two beautiful children with IVF but I'll never forget my first baby, even though I never met them. I won't let anyone diminish what they meant to me or try to make light of my sense of loss. Talking to other women who have suffered miscarriage has helped me to come to terms with what happened. What I feel is normal. I hope in turn that my experience can help other women come to terms with their loss, too.
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