#misCOURAGE story, 16/05/2017, by Julia
I am a year on from our 5th miscarriage.
I am still lost, do we carry on, we had 4 losses in just over a year, but how long do we carry on with the hopes and dreams being lost.
All the time our daughter is getting older and I don't want to feel we miss her growing up she is 12 now.
The other option is to give up but then I am never going to have our rainbow baby I long for and will I ever get my head round that?
Will one more try get us to the family we want or more grief to deal with. I am also older now 42 so am I too old anyhow?
We will put a smile on whilst going to my niece 1st birthday next weekend but inside I will be saying why not me? What did I do wrong?
Everyone says time will heal but I feel more lost each month. I am so lucky to have a daughter I know that, so shouldn't I be able to just let go and move on?
I'm trying everyday but it hurts and I don't want to burden others who want to get on with their own lives. For now I get up, go to work smile and hope, for answers, for a miracle.
One day maybe I will be OK again but not yet.
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