#misCOURAGE story, 11/05/2017, by Catherine
Myself and my husband had been together for 1 year before we decided to try for a baby. I had recently come off birth control and knew that it could take some time to conceive.
3 months later a late period made me think to test and we then discovered we were pregnant. We decided to tell close friends and family and started looking at baby names, clothes etc.
At 6 weeks I suddenly no longer felt 'pregnant' and had a terrible feeling that something was not going right.
A day or two later I had terrible period pains and knew that I was having a miscarriage. I felt as if my whole world had fallen apart. All the plans that we had originally made no longer existed.
I felt like I was not a women as my body couldn't even perform the most natural thing in the world.
We decided to try again really quickly and fell pregnant quite quickly!
Again at about 6 weeks I no longer felt pregnant except this time, I was getting a sharp stabbing pain in my groin and shoulder pain which we later found out after an early scan that I was having an ectopic pregnancy.
I had to have an emergency scan where they removed a litre and a half of blood from me but luckily my tube was saved.
Over the course of 4 years we suffered a further 4 miscarriages.
The most recent miscarriage was a 'missed miscarraige' where your body still thinks that you are pregnant but the pregnancy ended a week or so earlier.
After our 3rd miscarriage (not including the ectopic) my consultant then started investigating. All of our results had came back as normal so the reason behind our losses is not known.
This has brought some comfort but also fear as we have been told that our next pregnancy could be successful or we could have a lot more miscarriages before we get our rainbow baby.
Apparently, it is just 'one of those things'.
I have to inject myself with Clexane every time we conceive which doesn't hurt but can leave very nasty bruising and have been told that I will now also be prescribed steroids for when we do fall pregnant again.
Our losses has effected me in a way where I no longer want to associate with going anywhere where I know there will be babies or visit friends who have just had a new born.
I think about my losses every day and will have a little cry most weeks.
It is great to see that over the last couple of months there has been a lot of media coverage surrounding miscarriage and the silence does need to be broken.
I have told myself that we will continue to try but only until we get to 10 miscarriages then I think it is time to stop, for my mental well being.
We will then look into adoption so we will become parents one day.
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