#misCOURAGE story, 02/03/2017, by Laura
Not so long ago I got pregnant, I'm 18, healthy and so is my partner... we was in shock when we found out we was expecting but we knew straight away that we wanted our baby, we both loved our baby so much..
I went to two midwife appointments everything seemed ok, I had my bloods done and they checked my blood pressure and everything else.
However, we got too excited too fast and we went out and brought all the baby things we might need, we got the swinging crib.. a cot.. Moses basket.. practically everything apart from a pram..
But.. at my 13 week scan I lay on the bed and looked at the little screen my heart fluttering with nerves and excitement, it was the best day of my life, after all I was going to see my baby for the first time.
Then the midwife asked me how far along I was.. I told her it's in my notes and I'm 13 weeks, she turned to me and said I look a lot less than that and my baby was only 9 weeks which confused me a lot..
During this time I was confused I couldn't still hear the heartbeat and I thought that was unusual after watching videos of everyone's scans.
I knew something was wrong then we got the heartbreaking news.. there's no heartbeat and it looks like the baby died a month ago..
I told her, I'm not bleeding or anything I had a few cramps but I was told that was normal.. they told me it's nothing I did wrong and not long after they left the room and I got of the bed and just burst into tears crying all over my partner getting makeup all over him.
I never cry and it was the first time he's ever seen me cry.. he told me I'm the strongest person he knows and we will get through this together..
I believed him up until I walked back through the waiting room of all the pregnant women and babies and that broke my heart even more..
I was then told to either have a pill or surgery to get it out before infection gets caused.. they booked me in to have it surgically removed two days later, I only chose this option so we could have it tested to see why our angel died..
And that's when we found out, I have o negative blood and my partner doesn't... even though my doctors and midwife knew about my blood type they never told me anything.
Apparently I should carry the first pregnancy with no problems but I would have difficulty with my others.. but that's not the case for me and my partner, even though we're young we was so looking forward to being parents.
I was so excited looking forward to becoming a mother, I was ready to become a mother..
But like I was saying.. If my hospital told me about the rare blood type and told me the risks I'd be more happier but I constantly feel like I've let my baby down by not knowing and not being able to prevent this..
I don't know how people get through this, I've made a little memorial in my bedroom with the baby scan, teddy and it's first baby grow.. I can't even tell whether my angel was a boy or girl.. it's heartbreaking..
I've stopped crying now even though it's been 2 weeks but I have to stay strong and pick myself up a little or else I know I will end up with really bad depression, all I know is it's best to keep busy..
My brother found out he's having a baby boy recently, my best friend is having a girl, my other friends are all having or have recently had their children and I'm happy for them, but gutted deep down that it's not me anymore and there's a possibility it may never be my turn...
I'm a mommy to my angel and I will always have love towards my precious baby..
Our loss has brought me and my partner together and made us a lot stronger and loving towards each other, I don't know what I'd do without him if I'm honest..
Everyone says it gets easier then worse then easier then worse again.. but I know we can get through this one day at a time.. I'd tell everyone who's pregnant to find out about their blood type and the issues it can cause, I never knew but their are ways to prevent it and I wasn't offered anything to help my pregnancy..
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