It all started in 2013 I found out I was pregnant really early on.
I had an emergency scan from spotting bleeding I was 7w & 6d the baby was growing fine & had a lovely heart beat, I had another scan when I was 12w & 6d baby was growing lovely & had a great heart beat I was due 25th of November 2013.
I felt the 1st movement what felt like a kick at about 14 weeks, a couple of days later I had spotting bleeding there was no pain midwife said it was normal it happens sometimes.
I went for a scan when I would of been about 16w pregnant but as I was sat there waiting for the baby's dad to turn up I knew something wasn't right, when the baby's dad turned up & we got called in.
I jumped up on the bed all excited couldn't wait to see our little bundle of joy & there he was laid there all snuggled in so beautiful without a care in the world & that was when we got hit with the awful news that our little baby was no longer with us his little heart had stopped beating at 15w there was no problems he was growing exactly how he should be & everything was fine on the scan it had just happened.
We was taken in to a room on our own to talk to a doctor about what happens next, I got told I could have an operation, take a tablet & come back in the day after for another tablet & have the baby or just wait for it to happen naturally.
At this time I didn't wanna part with my little boy he looked so comfy the way he was led sleeping peacefully in my belly so I went home to wait for it to happen naturally, a week later I thought I felt a move so they sent me for another scan where they told me the baby was defiantly gone & that they don't think I'm gonna pass naturally so I took a tablet & on the 19th of June went home & just got on with things looking after my other 2 children.
That night I was really ill I couldn't stop being sick I was having pains so I just tried to sleep it off, the day after I was meant to go back in to hospital but I was so drained & exhausted from the night before that I stayed home & they kept my room for another day.
I was having contractions all day I went to bed about 8 o'clock as I was really tired, my mum woke me about 12 as she was checking on my daughter & to see how the pains were as I woke up the pains was still there so I tried to go back to sleep but as I did my waters broke a long with a load of blood too.
We rang the ambulance they took 1hr & a half to get to me they rushed me straight in to hospital & as I got to the ward I knew I needed to give birth they got me this potty & I gave birth straight away to a gorgeous little boy on the 21st of June at 2.20am everything just felt like it was flying by it was horrible my heart was filled with emptiness & my little boy was rushed off to get cleaned up & wrapped in blankets, after filling out funeral forms & having tests done & doctors checking on me I was taken to a room of my own where I got to spend as much time with my little boy as I wanted.
I kissed him, I cwtched him but no matter how much time I spent I still had that empty feeling in my heart & knowing I had to give my little boy back & go home to his big brother & sister without him was the worst feeling in the whole world!
Ever since I lost my little boy I have been so scared of getting pregnant again that I've been on constant contreception!
I don't really talk about my story because I don't know who to tell or if anyone would understand how I'm feeling & being able to write it down here makes me feel so much better.
With tears & heart ache I know my little boy Cody-John will always know I love him very very much & always will!
Mummys boy no matter what love you millions xxx
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