Was it ok for me to grieve the loss of something that was ever so brief?

Yes, you have every right to grieve, as unexpected and fleeting and it was, its a loss and its heartbreaking and painful.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE story, 20/04/2017, by Natalie

5 years ago I met a man and I thought that my life would change for the better. We did have an amazing 5 years, he had two children from a previous relationship, we bought a house together and everything seemed rosy and complete.

Fast forward for 2017 and out of the blue he ended things, there was no fights, no arguments, just mutal heartbreak that a relationship had ended.

I moved out, and tried to get on with my life.

I didn't feel right though, felt bloated, sore boobs, backache, and mentioned to a friend who innocently joked that I could be pregnant, we laughed it off, getting pregnant just as the relationship so swiftly and completely ended couldn't possibly be happening to me.

Then on 30th March, I woke with such had stomach cramps, I hadn't had a period in 7 months due to changing pill and only had slightly bleeding a few weeks before hand, lasted less than a day, so I assumed it was a long overdue period that was taking vengeance for the delay.

The pain got worse through the day until suddenly it stopped early in the evening with a sudden urge to need the toilet, with three tiny clots passing.

Again, I assumed the start of a period.

Next morning the pain was back along with heavy bleeding. I got myself dressed and made my way to work, with a niggle at the back of my mind, I spoke to a friend and her reaction confirmed my worst fears.

I did a test and sure enough there bold as brass was those two blue lines that would bring joy to so many women, to me my world crashed down round about me.

A trip to a&e followed with a referral to my local EPU for the following day.

My mind went into overdrive, it was unplanned and a shock, few friends who I spoke to hoped that there was still a viable pregnancy and my mind gradually got used to the idea.

I went to the EPU on 1st April, a raw bag of nerves, ultrasound showed nothing, midwife guessing I was probably about 6 weeks and had a complete miscarriage between the 30th and 31st, before I even knew.

Blood tests confirmed that I had a complete miscarriage.

I went home and prepared myself to tell my ex, who I felt had every right to know. He wasn't interested. Some friends distanced themselves and shut themselves out of my life, others rallied to support.

The whole time though I felt alone, was the pain normal? Was the bleeding normal? Was the tiny yet distinct bump that suddenly appeared normal? Was it ok for me, right for me, to grieve for a loss of something that was ever so brief?

Could I grieve over a baby that was unplanned and an accident?

I found my answers on various forums, yes it was all normal and yes you have every right to grieve, as unexpected and fleeting and it was, its a loss and its heartbreaking and painful.

I still felt so overwhelmed and under prepared for what was happening, due to the lack of public discussion and acknowledgement.

I strongly feel we need to break the silence over miscarriage and openly talk about our experiences.

I was open about my experience and was so shocked when messages began flooding in offering support and sharing their own stories.

Go to the full list of stories.

Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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