Story of #miscourage by Rachelle,
Its been a rough year.
All we wanted to do was have a baby. So I decided to get checked out because there were a few issues... Back in June I had a LLETZ for CIN 3. I was started on metformin due to ongoing issues with PCOS after not having a period for years.
I had my first period late August, two weeks after starting on metformin and by middle of September... We were pregnant!
It seemed too good to be true!
I became sick quite quickly after finding out. And had a lot of trouble hiding it! I started telling people at work but the older women seemed shocked that I was telling people. They advised me strongly not to tell anyone until after the 12 weeks, "just in case the worst was meant to happen". I didn't agree with them but started to tread more carefully! I didnt want to upset any one but thought why must I hide something when I am so sick and so happy!!!!
I told my and my husband's parents. They were elated! Siblings next and close friends. I wanted to tell people in person and we were working through everyone slowly, baring the 12 week "rule" in mind.
Being an anxious person meant I worried about the pregnancy incesively. Very symptom, every pull, every pain. I googled a lot. I wish I was more open with people, it may have saved a lot of worried googling.
My first scan at 9 weeks didn't look good. "Maybe our dates were wrong", they said, "after all this was the first period".
We were sent away to come back for another scan in another week. Although this was the hardest week of my life, I stopped sharing my news with people and went to ground. However none of my symptoms had disappeared and surely it'll all be fine, I told myself.
Returning the next week I was a emotional mess. But I'd planned to go into work after the scan. "Gotta keep soldering on" I thought to myself. The looked and looked and looked. Finally we were met with, "I am so sorry there's no heart beat, the baby hasn't grown". In that moment my world stopped. The doctor came in to confirm what the sonograher was telling us. She tried offering comfort, stating facts and figures. I wasn't listening. They let us leave swiftly without settling the bill. Out doctor confirmed what we'd been told and booked a D&C for the Monday.
I have not had any symptoms of a miscarriage. I still feel quite pregnant, whichbis just cruel. They call it a missed miscarriage. My poor body still is being hammered by the pregnancy hormones while my mind mourns the loss.
I can't tell you how long I've cried for. Is it hours or days now. Time has stopped. I didnt go into work that day. I didnt go back on the Friday either. The D&C is this Monday and Tuesday I will recover. I hope to get back to work Wednesday.
One thing I have done though is share my news on Facebook. Although we were 10 weeks when we lost Tiny, it already meant the world to us. This was our baby and I am a mum, I want the world to know that.
I challenged the magical 12 week mark although this loss was so raw I explained exactly what happened.
What happened next was beyond what we expected. I was met with 30 comments under my post of- "thank you for your courage, I've had one (two, even three) miscarriages before". "My friend had one". "Whatever we can do to help let us know".
My Dad, not known for his compassion, left work at the drop of a hat to come over and be with us.
I had school friends I hadn't spoken to in years offer me support in private messages because they'd been there before, but kept it a secret.
The story is not over yet. But I'm a sharer and heal by speaking about my story.
My story in not unique or uncommon, but my openness is and this shouldn't be the norm!
Please speak about this! We are, you are not alone.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer