I was only 19 when I found out I was pregnant. Those two little lines on the test scared the hell out of me. However, as soon as I realised what they meant - I was having a baby - my whole life changed. Those two little lines made my whole perception of the world and my future different.
The pregnancy was not planned but I was overjoyed. Both me and my partner started making decisions and I have never felt so happy. I did everything I could to help the baby grow - changed my diet, lifestyle and most importantly made sure my mental health was under control.
Miscarriage isn't rare in my family. My mum had 14 miscarriages all together, my older sisters had also suffered the pain of their own miscarriages. Therefore it was always on my mind and I'd get through each day thankful that I was still pregnant.
Until I noticed that bright red blood on the tissue. The heart breaking moment when you know something's wrong and there is no physical way you can prevent it.
Even though I had worried about this happening - there's no way of knowing how to deal with it.
I went straight to A&E and waited for an appointment at the early pregnancy unit. Over the course of those few days I have no explanation for the feelings I experienced. The one that stands out for me was the feeling of hope that I had. I spent hours on the internet looking up statistics and reading online forums just to help my anxiety if the situation.
Unfortunately on the 20th of April this year, the scan showed that I was no longer pregnant and I had miscarried.
This was also the same day my gorgeous little nephew was born. In a selfish way, this hurt me even more, but as time passes you become so grateful that someone else did not have to experience the same thing. My sister has had her fair share of heartbreak and I'm so happy that she had a happy ending this time.
I am now a first year student midwife and have seen my first real life birth just recently. It was the most magical experience and found it hard to keep my emotions under control.
Every woman I see with a healthy pregnancy I thank God. My own experience has pushed me to work hard and get through my degree so I can help those women who unfortunately do have the same outcome as me.
Being kind and supporting a women during this time is something that I will strive to do throughout my career.
Since my miscarriage I feel the secrecy that used to surround miscarriage had improved. Tommy's is an amazing charity and the work they do can support a women's physical and mental health untold amounts.
To anyone that has experienced a miscarriage just know that you are allowed to feel selfish, you are allowed to feel absolutely devastated and you are allowed to cry. Everyone is different and there is not a right way to get through the situation.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer