I already had 4 healthy kids and wasn't planning on any more. My youngest daughter at the time was 8 years old. So it was a surprise and a shock to find myself pregnant. My husband and I were really happy at the thought of a new baby after such a long time. Everything seemed to be going well with the pregnancy. I had the usual nausea that I'd had before. I attended the hospital for my 12 week scan. I went to the appointment alone as my hubby was working away at the time.
I got the feeling from the way the radiographer spoke to me that something just wasn't right.
She asked me to stay in the room while she got the doctor to come to complete the scan. I was asked if I was sure my dates were correct, and I knew they were. I was then informed that the baby had stopped growing at around 7 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I felt like my world had ended at that moment. I never understood before this happened to me just how profound an effect it can have. That was just over 6 years ago and there is not a day when I don't wonder what sex the baby would have been or what they would look like. I still have days when I think back on the experience and feel totally devastated.
I feel miscarraige is still a taboo subject. People avoid you as they don't know what to say or do. The subject is avoided if possible and this doesn't help when you are grieving what is a massive loss to you. People don't seem to understand that even though you didn't get to meet or hold your baby the way you should have it doesn't make the grief any less hard to bear.
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