#misCOURAGE story, 20/04/2017, by anonymous
I am a 23 year old and have been with my partner 3 years. I have been tested on and off for polycystic ovaries for years and always thought if I wanted to conceive I would need some form of help.
I noticed around the 3rd week in August 2016 that my breasts had been really tender for a few weeks, I thought nothing of this as it was quite normal for me to go long periods of time without a period.
On the 9th September 2016 I woke up to what I though was my period (Yay finally I thought!). The next night I went to a party and was drinking alcohol as you do and was getting really hot flushes, again thought nothing of it.
Then it all came crashing down on me.
The morning of the 11th September 2016 I woke up with what I thought was period cramps again nothing out of the ordinary for me.
As the day went on they were still there and in the afternoon they started getting worse to the point where I couldn't stand or sit down as either was extremely uncomfortable.
My boyfriend took me to A&E as I was really panicking that something was seriously wrong as I had never had cramps this severe before.
The nurses ran some tests and whilst I was waiting I felt something "drop out" of me, hysterically crying I shouted for nurse as I was really scared and still oblivious to what could be happening.
That's when I was told that I was in fact pregnant and had just lost my baby.
I continuously blamed myself for weeks and cried myself to sleep thinking I had caused this to happen. The nurse did tell me the cause of the miscarriage was due to abnormal genes from when the egg had been fertilised.
I was never told how far along I was but I would guess around 6-7 weeks. To this day I still think about the baby I was supposed to have especially as I would of been due anytime now!
However, it has also taught me to not take for granted what you think you don't want.
I didn't think I wanted a baby anytime soon but my opinion has now changed and it has also taught me that this sort of thing needs to be spoken about, I found it so hard to talk about it because I didn't want fake sympathy off anybody or people to tell me they knew how I felt when they didn't, but speaking about it helps me keep the memory of my baby alive and makes them more real to me in a strange way.
We do hope in future we will be able to conceive again naturally and go on to have a healthy pregnancy, but to any woman reading this who may still be grieving, all I can say is the grieving will never go away completely but talking about it and giving your baby an identity of their own helped comfort me in that time of darkness.
Thank you to the charities, such as Tommy's for giving this common occurrence and awful experience the awareness it needs to be able to help prevent this happening in future.
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