Story of #miscourage by Anonoymous,
I remember I was sitting on the couch playing with my breasts, as I've always liked to and I squeezed one and and slight water came out.
I checked Google and it said nothing various things. Next day I bought a home pregnancy test and did it the moment I got home, it came back positive... I didn't believe it, so I went out and bought another, results were positive.
My boyfriend and I weren't on speaking terms as we had a fight so i didn't want to call or say anything until I was 100% sure. I booked an appointment with my gynaecologist. He confirmed I was pregnant (5 weeks) but unfortunately it looks like I was having an ectopic pregnancy and they would need to terminate ASAP. I went home confused as to whether to tell him or not, what justice would it do if I did.
I guess he sensed that something wasn't right with me and came over to my place. When he got there I told him and he was devastated.
The next day I went to hospital for surgery but when I came out of theatre and to my senses they said it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, baby was fine-false alarm.
Baby and I went back home to recover from the surgery. Went for the check up with the gynaecologist a week later and everything was in order, we even saw the baby's heartbeat, the sound thereof was very faint as it was still wary stages.
Life went on as normal until the evening of 18/10/2017 I remember being emotional as my boyfriend and I were still not OK. So after work I went to the beach to clear my head and cry myself away, after some time I drove back home and was feeling nausea and had minor cramps.
I didn't think much of it, I just associated it with morning sickness. I lay on the couch watching TV and kept myself warm. My phone, which was on the kitchen counter, rang and when I stood up to answer I felt something run down my legs, like I was peeing on myself... I looked down and saw blood running down my legs.
I went straight to the toilet and Sat there until I could reach a friend to assist me as I was scared, shaking and couldn't drive. While waiting I cleaned myself up, cleaned the blood drops from the lounge to the bathroom and when she arrived we went to the hospital. When we got there they checked the amount of blood on the sanitary towel, called gynaecologist and said not to worry, looks like the bleeding has stopped but I need to go see my gynaecologist tomorrow morning just to make sure.
Next day I went to see the gynaecologist and when the scan was done there was no heartbeat- 7 weeks and baby was gone.
I wonder what gender baby would've been and how baby would've looked like.
Next day I went back to the same hospital, same ward and an evacuation was done, I didn't have the strength to go through labour pains and push for my dead baby.
Each day I wonder what went wrong, you were strong enough to survive the invasion of the surgery... Did I do anything wrong?
Was the stress from the fight too much?
The emptiness gets too much some days and when the one support structure you need is not there, it's double the pain and the hurt.
I have some to terms with my miscarriage... I no longer remember the days we spent together but the moments we shared together.
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