Story of #miscourage by Nicola,
In the pic, it’s my husband’s bday, almost Xmas. 9weeks along, but we’ve been told it’s a missed miscarriage, &next day I have an op.
During lunch at Rainforest cafe, we were in a state of shock, the one wish we had, especially for our little son Henry, was ruined. I still feel like I’ve let my family down in the biggest way, for life, not just for Xmas.
This was our 3rd failed pregnancy in a row, 2 miscarriages having happened on previous cycles. I have a sense of guilt&loss over my son’s siblings never actually coming. It follows me like a shadow.
They were my babies, too. But it’s not as acceptable to say this if you already have a child, or they were “ only” early losses. I have been made to feel ashamed at times, but I still feel the losses every day. Everyone moves on, but you don’t . To society they are nobody- you can’t miss someone you never knew? But they were our family.
The op didn’t work and I bled all over xmas with a fever. Eventually, retained placenta was discovered and I had an emergency ERPC on 5th Jan 2018. This was the last straw for my body and in Feb I got a heart infection through low immunity and had to spend a night in UCL being told it was probably a heart attack. Luckily it wasn’t, for which I’m so grateful.
Six months on and it may as well have been six days ago. That’s not generally considered “ normal “ but it’s my normal. I just hope this story helps somehow not to feel so alone. You aren’t alone. And please, don’t forget the dads and siblings.
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