On a cold morning in January 2013 I sat & waited for the lines to appear on my Clearblue 3 minutes later there they were I was pregnant with my 2nd child. Although the pregnancy was unplanned & to be honest not the best time for us I rushed back to bed to tell my partner our news.
I visited the doctor's a few days later & booked in for my first appointment to see the midwife. All was going well... we were happy & excited.
A few weeks later I started to feel unwell but just put it down to possible morning sickness (I had been very lucky with my first son so didn't know what morning sickness was like). As the days passed I felt worse & worse & started to get cramps in my tummy. "You'll be OK, probably just things settling in" I told myself but no I started to bleed.
Panicked me & my partner visited the Early Pregnancy Clinic. We had a scan & there it was our little Pip. There was a small fluttery heart beat & all was well.
The spotting continued but I was told it was nothing to worry about. I received my letter from Bolton Maternity Unit inviting me for my 12 week scan (I would've been approximately 15 weeks by then) me & my partner were very excited to see Pip again.
Whilst at work a few days later I started with chronic pains in my tummy & back. It was happening, I was loosing my baby.
I left work in panic & shock. I couldn't understand why this was happening. My partner met me at home we felt helpless. We had to wait until the following day to find out the fate of our little Pip.
Once again we waited in the waiting area of the Early Pregnancy Clinic. I heard my name being called. This was it. Hearing the words "I'm very sorry Cathryn but we cannot find a heart beat" was like a knife being driven through my chest. How could this be? Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? All questions not one person in the room could answer.
Our little Pip had gone. I was so angry & upset that it had been taken from us. The silence was deafening during the car journey home. No matter what anyone said or did I couldn't shake the feeling I had inside. "Least it's a full miscarriage & you don't have to have surgery" one person said. "Oh... aren't I lucky then...?" Was my response.
A few days later I had to pluck up the courage to ring & cancel my scan appointment, that was tough. As the weeks went by things at home started to get back to normal & I returned to work. It was tough but with help & support ml from my partner & our families we got through it.
In October of the same year I found out I was pregnant again. I was so scared of the same thing happening to us again. It didn't. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in July 2014. We finally got a happy ending.
I will never ever forget my little Pip. The scan photograph they gave me at our first visit to the Early Pregnancy Unit sits on a shelf with pictures of our other three children.
Although I wasn't lucky enough to meet Pip I will love him/her always.
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