Sharing Bad News is Horrible

Sadly the scan showed I had lost the baby, there was no heartbeat.

#misCOURAGE story

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Early miscarriage

#misCOURAGE story Ella

I was so excited to find out I was pregnant with my first child, we had been trying, the pregnancy was planned and dare I say it we hadn't had much trouble conceiving.

We forward planned and saw my 12 week scan would be the week before Christmas. So we started planning a wonderful surprise for the family, cards from the baby to be with scan images and lots of excitement that Christmas would be wonderful.

Week after slow week progressed and the Saturday before my scan on the Monday I started bleeding. I went to A&E and waited nervously to see a Obstetrician. They were positive and believed it to be minor. They would expedite my scan for tomorrow if I wanted.I was happy to wait until the planned time.
Sadly the scan showed I had lost the baby, there was no heartbeat.

We were obviously devastated, 5 days before Christmas when all our plans had been finalised. My husband had to call everyone and deliver tragic news. I didn't want to leave home not knowing when the final bleed might take place. I eventually had to go to hospital as nothing happened for over a week.

I have gone on to have 2 beautiful, healthy children who are now 4 and 2, but with both I told people as soon as I saw them, I felt I would have so much more support as they were more prepared. It was such a lonely time and in hindsight it probably didn't have to be.

 
 

 

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

Please note that these comments are monitored but not answered by Tommy’s. Please call your GP or maternity unit if you have concerns about your health or your baby’s health.
  • By QSH (not verified) on 8 Feb 2020 - 16:24

    On 2/3/2020, I went to a 15 week appointment to check on my bundle of joy. I was so excited because I was hoping I would finally find out the sex of my baby. When my OB did the ultrasound, he said "I think I have bad news to tell you... I dont see a heartbeat." My heart broke into millions of pieces. I couldnt cry right at the moment and it took me about 2 minutes to let it sink in. I went home still pregnant (baby bump wise) and I didnt know how to cope. I had my childs father take me to the beach and I just wept. I tried to let the waves take away my pain and that didnt work. I hadnt slept the entire night knowing I had an appointment the following day to get induced and literally give birth to my baby that is no longer with me. Whats worse I walked into the hospitals Maternity place and was told it was for moms that are 20 weeks and up(I cried more). They saw my frustration and checked me in. After being checked in they apologized and took me to the L&D floor. I had a chance to see moms withs pumpkin bellys, hear babies getting monitored that had healthy heart beats, hear the excitement of nurses helping moms deliver their babies, hear the babies cry for the first time. I was torn because this wouldnt be the case for me. I was taken into a room with a baby bed for the babies when they are finally born. I was advised by the nurse that they would be in and out asking what I would like to do with my baby when the baby is finally born. I was so torn I cried and asked them to allow me time. I couldnt take it...i felt they werent being sympathetic. I felt everyone was brushing off the fact that I was actually pregnant and my baby is actually a baby. I remained in the hospital from 2/4/20 11:35am until i finally gave birth to my son on 2/5/20 @4:22AM. This is how i confirmed the sex of my baby and this is how I remember the saddest day of my life. I havent been able to cope and I feel as though his father isnt coping the same. At times i feel alone thinking about my baby and my reaction versus everyone else's. Then i remeber that I gave birth to him and I had the pleasurs of feeling him kick. Although this had been short-lived, its the only memory I have actually being able to feel my baby move. I feel like its something I did. I dont trust my body anymore and I'm numb. Im emotionally not the same person anymore. I havent been able to eat, sleep, or yet alone talk to anyone since this happened. Its still fresh and I know people say "you'll have more." I carried my child for 4 months and this is how family brushes it off because they have never been through it. Im completely torn and I would have so much more comfort knowing my baby was with me. I know I cant bring him back but I'm at a loss. I dont want to get pregnant again. I dont want to endure this pain again. Instead of a birth certificate, I have a death certificate for my baby. Im left empty with nothing. The comfort I've received has been from the internet. Ive googled everything I could and I've even blamed the death of my son on myself. I just dont know how to cope and because his father isnt dealing with it the same, I have no one I feel I can talk to.

  • By Brenda (not verified) on 24 Nov 2019 - 04:56

    I turned 40 on the 14th of November. On the 19th, at my 12 week scan I found out - to quote the Dr- "this baby is dead". The baby had died at 8 weeks. This was my 3rd baby. I have two healthy kids.
    This pregnancy was planned however as soon as finding out I am pregnant I was so unsure about the decision. However I was slowly starting to be happy about it as the first trimester was coming to an end. This miscarriage has left me so confused, wondering if my thoughts manifested themselves into this. Did my body reject this baby or did the baby feel unloved? I would do anything to fix this, to tell my baby I am sorry, that he/she is very much wanted and loved. I just need him/her to come back. I will not question anymore, I will not complain anymore. I just want to back to being pregnant with him/her. I promise I will be different.

  • By Cloud (not verified) on 15 Nov 2019 - 09:40

    I found out on my birthday that her heartbeat stopped a week ago at 15 weeks. We thought that once she cleared the first trimester and all the various tests, it was a matter of time we could cuddle and hold her in our arms in April next year.

    It’s been 2 weeks since that day... the pain of losing her and emptiness doesn’t seem to go away.

  • By Lucy (not verified) on 10 Oct 2019 - 18:04

    I am currently miscarrying our baby that sadly only lived till 7 weeks. I am waiting for a surgical procedure tomorrow to remove the pregnancy. For the moment i am living in hell and experiencing the worse pain physically and mentally. Support and love to everyone who is going through this. The stories of others are helping me while i grieve x

  • By Emily (not verified) on 19 Oct 2019 - 02:41

    My last ultrasound two days ago showed no heartbeat and I took the medication to complete the miscarriage on the same day. I’m still in shock and trying to find some kind of normal in the midst of it all. Had no idea I would feel this kind of emotional pain. Baby was almost 9 weeks along. We are coming up with ways to memorialize baby and not let this be in vain. It is helping. Best wishes on healing.

  • By pulane (not verified) on 29 Jul 2019 - 17:06

    Still don't believe I'm no longer pregnant...my heart is broken,it was my first pregnancy

  • By Lucie (not verified) on 7 Aug 2019 - 17:46

    I’m so sorry for your loss x

  • By Whitney (not verified) on 1 Oct 2019 - 01:49

    I found out today I had a miscarriage as well, and this is my first pregnancy. It is devastating! I am feeling your pain my friend.

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