Story of #miscourage by Natalie,
It has never been easy for us to conceive.
The first time it took us 18 months and then I was in my twenties. After the birth of my daughter we started trying again quickly as we knew it may take some time.
I harboured a secret hope that second time around it would all be simple.
2 years later I got my blue line and we were ecstatic. I planned how I would tell my little girl that she would be a big sister and we were so excited to complete our family. I began spotting at 11 weeks and the loss followed quickly after.
The grief was overwhelming and like nothing I had ever felt before.
I cried every day for months and felt so cheated. In the course of trying again we discovered a multitude of fertility issues in both my husband and myself so completely gave up hope of extending our family.
Against all odds we conceived again and all I kept thinking was, 1 in 3, this one will be OK. I saw good omens everywhere, I felt horribly sick and tired and I did everything right. At my scan, we discovered the pregnancy had not progressed past 7 weeks. Somehow it's not as bad the second time around. I'm still devastated but I know I got through it once and can again.
I feel immensely lucky to have my daughter and my heart breaks for all those out there who cannot be mothers at all. I am done now and I have to come to terms with that too.
Having another baby has consumed my life for 5 years and it's enough.
I cannot go through this again, I don't think my heart can take being broken again. I'm sorry baby, you would have been an amazing big sister and I'm sorry that I couldn't give you that but more than ever you feel like my little miracle and I'm so glad we have you to help us get through this.
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