To say I was terrified is an understatement.

I've had four miscarriages in less than two years and I feel like I had no professional help or support during them, I was made to feel like just another number.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

I became pregnant with my daughter in the spring of 2011. Everything went well and I loved being pregnant. Isabel was born in March 2012 by forceps at 41+4 weeks. 

When she was 18 months we decided we'd start trying for a baby brother/sister for her. 4 months later I fell pregnant. We were over the moon. Then I started bleeding. I was sent for an emergency scan where I was told that I must have my dates wrong as the sac was too small for the dates I'd given them. I was told book another scan for 7/10 days later.
I never got around to booking it, as 4 days later I miscarried while at home.

To say I was terrified is an understatement.

I called 111 as I didn't know if what was happening was normal.
The paramedics came, checked me over and said I would be better off at home as long as I wasn't in too much pain or haemorrhaging. I called my GP's as I didn't know what I was supposed to do after a miscarriage. I was told as long as I stopped bleeding within two weeks and that my period had returned within 6 weeks there was no reason we couldn't try again.

Four months later we had another positive test. This time I wasn't so excited. One morning at about 8 weeks I went to the bathroom, there was spotting again. I went to my doctor's that day and he managed to get me and emergency scan for the next day. I went to the scan and was told my baby had stopped growing. The next day I miscarried at home.
Unbelievably I fell pregnant again straight after my periods resumed. This time it felt different, I attended my booking appointment with my midwife at 8 weeks and booked my 12 week scan. Then, on the 23rd December 2014 I began bleeding again. I called 111 as it was late evening. Because of the time of year they couldn't get me an appointment for a scan before 29th.

How we got through Christmas I don't know. We had planned to go to my mums on 27th. We went, and while we were there I began to miscarry. Because all my previous miscarriages had passed smoothly, (if a miscarriage can ever be classed as smooth) we decided to drive home. Halfway there in the car I knew something was wrong and we ended up in our local A&E where I spent the night.

After this one we were referred to our local NHS fertility clinic. They ran all the tests and they all came back normal.
I fell pregnant again and was sent for a scan at 6 weeks. I saw my baby's heart beating on the scan. We began to hope. Two weeks later we went back for our 8 week scan....our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I was asked how I wanted to proceed. I opted for surgical medical management, the thought of having to wait for the miscarriage this time tore me to bits.

Five days later I went in to have the procedure. I never heard anything from the fertility clinic after this, still haven't and it's been 9 months. My doctor received a letter from the hospital about my procedure saying I'd need a blood test to make sure my pregnancy hormones had reduced but that was it. 

My little girl keeps asking for a baby brother or sister....I can't answer her at all.
We've decided we're going to try one more time, and as much I want another baby I'm now terrified of it happening again. I've had four miscarriages in less than two years and I feel like I had no professional help or support during them, I was made to feel like just another number.

Maybe we were only ever destined to have one child and if so I am forever grateful for her. But, knowing that I've lost four, especially the last, having seen his/her heartbeat. They will stay with me forever. 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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