I became pregnant with my daughter in the spring of 2011. Everything went well and I loved being pregnant. Isabel was born in March 2012 by forceps at 41+4 weeks.
When she was 18 months we decided we'd start trying for a baby brother/sister for her. 4 months later I fell pregnant. We were over the moon. Then I started bleeding. I was sent for an emergency scan where I was told that I must have my dates wrong as the sac was too small for the dates I'd given them. I was told book another scan for 7/10 days later.
I never got around to booking it, as 4 days later I miscarried while at home.
To say I was terrified is an understatement.
I called 111 as I didn't know if what was happening was normal.
The paramedics came, checked me over and said I would be better off at home as long as I wasn't in too much pain or haemorrhaging. I called my GP's as I didn't know what I was supposed to do after a miscarriage. I was told as long as I stopped bleeding within two weeks and that my period had returned within 6 weeks there was no reason we couldn't try again.
Four months later we had another positive test. This time I wasn't so excited. One morning at about 8 weeks I went to the bathroom, there was spotting again. I went to my doctor's that day and he managed to get me and emergency scan for the next day. I went to the scan and was told my baby had stopped growing. The next day I miscarried at home.
Unbelievably I fell pregnant again straight after my periods resumed. This time it felt different, I attended my booking appointment with my midwife at 8 weeks and booked my 12 week scan. Then, on the 23rd December 2014 I began bleeding again. I called 111 as it was late evening. Because of the time of year they couldn't get me an appointment for a scan before 29th.
How we got through Christmas I don't know. We had planned to go to my mums on 27th. We went, and while we were there I began to miscarry. Because all my previous miscarriages had passed smoothly, (if a miscarriage can ever be classed as smooth) we decided to drive home. Halfway there in the car I knew something was wrong and we ended up in our local A&E where I spent the night.
After this one we were referred to our local NHS fertility clinic. They ran all the tests and they all came back normal.
I fell pregnant again and was sent for a scan at 6 weeks. I saw my baby's heart beating on the scan. We began to hope. Two weeks later we went back for our 8 week scan....our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I was asked how I wanted to proceed. I opted for surgical medical management, the thought of having to wait for the miscarriage this time tore me to bits.
Five days later I went in to have the procedure. I never heard anything from the fertility clinic after this, still haven't and it's been 9 months. My doctor received a letter from the hospital about my procedure saying I'd need a blood test to make sure my pregnancy hormones had reduced but that was it.
My little girl keeps asking for a baby brother or sister....I can't answer her at all.
We've decided we're going to try one more time, and as much I want another baby I'm now terrified of it happening again. I've had four miscarriages in less than two years and I feel like I had no professional help or support during them, I was made to feel like just another number.
Maybe we were only ever destined to have one child and if so I am forever grateful for her. But, knowing that I've lost four, especially the last, having seen his/her heartbeat. They will stay with me forever.
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