#misCOURAGE story, 24/02/2017, by Charlotte
The thought of miscarriage never really crossed my mind... let alone re-current miscarriage naively didn't even know much about that.
But I soon would.
In November 2014 my husband and I decided to try for a third child to complete our family. We had two beautiful children already our daughter who was 6 at the time and our little boy who was 4. Both pregnancies were uncomplicated and no problems at all.
I fell pregnant very quickly and in January 2015 I had a positive test. Filled with excitement I expected this pregnancy to be the same as the others.
At 7 weeks pregnant and I started spotting not something I had experienced before so at first thought maybe implantation bleed I booked in for an early scan at my local hospital and saw baby lovely strong heartbeat and perfect for dates and was sent away as just one of those things.
However the bleeding got worse and heavier a week later and another scan baby's heartbeat was gone and was shrinking down in size I was devastated and to make it worse my body wouldn't give up on the baby so had to have medical management to complete the miscarriage.
Afterwards I became obsessed with filling the empty hole and longing I had to be pregnant and have my baby.
The only thing helping me through was knowing we could try again and we did and I fell pregnant again very quickly only 8 weeks later I was staring at a positive test. Only this time instead of excitement I was filled with fear.
As if history was repeating itself again I got to 7 weeks and the spotting started again and my nightmare was beginning again. We went through this again after that for a third time.
And just so shocked and numb we could really be this unlucky asking myself constantly what I was doing wrong why couldn't I hold on to my babies and grow them like I should.
I lost myself in it all I didn't feel like me. In this time my longing for baby number 3 just got stronger in the year of 2015 I spent the whole year being pregnant and losing our precious babies.
I have never felt so low my beautiful children got me through and I was just so grateful and lucky I had them. Enough was enough I couldn't carry on doing this to myself .
My gp referred me to our local hospital for testing on re current miscarriage to see what may be causing them to happen and we stopped trying.
Start of January 2016 had many many tests done and after a long wait all the results came back with no cause found... in a way I wished they did find something as I thought then I could just be fixed and this nightmare would end.
The specialist put me on a higher dose of folic acid and told me to carry on with my break of trying as my body needed time to recover.
In all this time I never gave up hope of having our baby.
End of march 2016 I found out I was pregnant for a 4th time.
I was terrified every day that passed at the beginning stages felt like weeks constant checking to make sure I wasn't bleeding and the fear every day and I was convinced at 7 weeks history would repeat itself for a 4th time but it didn't.
I had the most amazing care possible by the early pregnancy unit at St Richards hospital with several early scans, each time I saw the little heartbeat flickering on the screen I was one step further along to holding out precious baby in my arms.
In November 2016 - 2 years since we first starting trying for our baby. Our beautiful baby boy was born and our family was complete a day I never ever thought would come.
I hold him so close and I just don't want to put him down.
So don't give up hope I found some things are unexplained and you just don't know why they happen but sometimes there truly is a rainbow after a storm I know that sounds really cheesy! But that is how I think of the nightmare of the last two years and now my beautiful boy in my arms.
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