I had been taking the oral contraceptive pill for months, though since our wedding there had been a few slip ups but just the odd day. I was " lucky" I guess. Then there was the time when I "missed" my period, but did I? Odd spotting, strange sensations in my breasts. What was going on?
First pregnancy test at home was negative, but the symptoms continued. Then, the day I had an interview for a new job I get stomach cramps. What's going on? I get through the interview, get home. Cramping gets worse. Period? Miscarriage? Trip to the bathroom- this is not normal!
I call the GP (this was 30 odd years ago, they still made house calls!). He was really good, suggested it might be all over before it had even begun? I needed to supply urine sample to confirm lack of pregnancy. Sample tested positive! But now I know I'm not pregnant, all the subtle signs have subsided.
Not helped by GP receptionist trying to book me into the clinic. Insisted on appointment with GP instead. He was wonderful, telling me I needed to grieve for the baby I had lost before thinking about trying again; waiting a minimum of 3 months till trying again. I didn't know just how much grief an 8 week old baby (foetus in medical terms) would produce.
Few knew and I was surrounded it seemed by those with healthy pregnancies. I felt worthless, alone, to blame. What had I done to lose this child? It was - must have been - my fault. I was lucky - a supportive partner and the chance to try again. But few seemed to understand that even at 8 weeks, I was a mother, deprived of her baby, so we told very few people, not even family.
The sense of grief and isolation still haunts me.
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