People expect me to be fine now, but the day I lost my baby is the day I lost part of me.

Four months on I still mourn for my child; I wonder who they would've been, what should've been.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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by Sophie

May 2016

My pregnancy wasn't planned, but from the minute I saw the plus sign the baby was more than wanted. They were loved. It took me a matter of minutes to plan the future for my unborn child. To make plans and to dream of their future. I already had two beautiful girls, I was confident in this pregnancy. We told friends and family. We bought babygrows that said "born in 2016" we had an early scan at seven weeks and the baby was measuring six weeks. No one explained this could be a concern. I was a day away from nine weeks, driving home from a relatives, when a car drive into the back of us. The car was written off, I was checked over at the scene but told not to worry about the baby. It was well protected. Three hours later I began to bleed. I think I already knew... Me and my partner raced to hospital and they kept us in for six hours then told us to come back the next day for a scan. 

Lying on the scan bed shaking like a leaf, our world came crashing down when we were told "sorry, there's no heartbeat" I can't really remember what was said after that.

Everything was a blur. I remember being given three options but my heart was broken and I couldn't make a decision so they sent me home for a week. A week of waiting to pass my baby. A week of torture. A week later I went back for the medicine to help things along and what can only be described as a horror scene followed. They sent me home where two hours later I haemorrhaged. My partner rang an ambulance and I was rushed into emergency surgery to remove my baby. The first thing I did when I came round was cry. The physical pain was over, and I could concentrate on my emotional pain. People expect me to be fine now, but the day I lost my baby is the day I lost part of me. Four months on I still mourn for my child. Wondering who they would've been, what should've been.

 

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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