Patience

After trying for 19 months, my partner and I finally conceived. At the first scan a few days later, the midwife said that there was no heartbeat and the fetus stopped developing at 7.5 weeks.

#misCOURAGE story

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#misCOURAGE story by Isla Anderson,

After trying for 19 months, my partner and I finally conceived. I was exactly twelve weeks pregnant on Christmas Day and hadn't had any bleeding or signs of a miscarriage so merrily started telling family we were expecting. At the first scan a few days later, the midwife said that there was no heartbeat and the fetus stopped developing at 7.5 weeks. My first feeling was one of horror. I felt so betrayed that my body had rejected the baby but didn't even bother to let me know.

I couldn't stand the thought of waiting for the pregnancy to pass of its own accord (I'm a teacher and thought: what if I was teaching a class and blood started to run down my legs?) so I opted to have medical management. So now I was learning of a missed miscarriage for the first time and I was soon to learn that a miscarriage can be a lot worse than a 'heavy period'. The suppositories didn't work: I simply lost a lot of blood, had vomiting and diarrhoea and the worse pain I have ever felt due to the cramps.

After twelve hours, the midwife tried to manually remove the tissue before my cervix closed. This didn't work so a doctor tried, meanwhile a nurse had to pin my shoulders down and stroke my hair because it was just agony. Eventually, when I fainted, they decided a D&C was required. My body went into shock but I recovered in time to leave hospital for Hogmanay.

My partner and I immediately started trying again. A few weeks later, a doctor phoned to say the pathologist suspected it was a molar pregnancy. I didn't realise anyone was inspecting the remains.

I thought it must have been a partial molar pregnancy because there was a fetus. However, it took another six weeks but the specialist doctors confirmed it was a complete molar pregnancy. The fetus on the scan must have been a twin. I was crushed. A complete molar pregnancy meant a greater risk of requiring chemotherapy treatment and it meant a longer monitoring period (an extra three months) before I could try again.

Finally I was cleared to try again. While waiting, my partner and I had tests carried out which resulted in a referral to the fertility clinic.

I have now spent the last three years trying for a baby. In that time, my group of friends (all women in their thirties who I have known since school) have given birth to five babies and another one is pregnant. No one has the courage to ask me how I'm doing.

Now I am eight weeks pregnant. No apps on the phone, no announcements, no planning ahead for work, no thinking about names. Just sheer terror.

 

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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