The day before my 12 week scan I discovered the tiniest spot of blood. There was no pain though, just a tiny pink dot but I had a feeling that something was wrong so I called my midwife in panic.
Don't worry she told me, it's normal and you've your 12 week scan tomorrow so there's no need to go to hospital tonight.
I woke up the next day still feeling unsure. Quite rightly so because the ultrasound didn't show my wriggling 12 week baby and instead on the screen was my baby at 8 weeks with no heartbeat. I
have never cried like it before or since but the pain of having my worst feeling confirmed was awful.
I'd had a missed miscarriage and the worst was that the past 4 weeks I'd been walking around secretly talking to my baby that was no longer with me.
I stayed in hospital that day and had a D&C. I chose not to leave hospital and let things happen naturally because for me it felt like I could let go more easily. I was so wrong and although I have gone on to have 2 very healthy babies since I still wonder everyday what he or she would have been like.
Life is extremely unfair and regardless of how often this happens it's still mentally and physically painful.
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