Numb, I just felt numb, I refused to allow the dread that filled me take over.

A missed miscarriage they called it, a silent loss.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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by Laura

June 2016

Just one more, I teased my husband, we already had a beautiful daughter and son, one more to complete us, and then those two thin blue lines came, I was ecstatic, now we would be complete. I told my mom straight away, I couldn't hide my glee. We made plans, due to my job, I had to inform my employer, everyone was happy for us. Then the sickness started, and it got worse and worse, I could barely lift my head from the pillow. I was admitted to hospital, and put on a drip, a scan showed not one but two little flutters , which just meant double the happiness, double the sickness?? Back home I felt more and more poorly, struggling to complete everyday tasks and looking back now, I guess I knew something was wrong, just not right, my body was behaving strangely. A trip to the loo, scared me, would something happen? And then it did, just spotting, no pain but spotting all the same. A trip to A&E on a Saturday night, it was like a war zone. Ushered away into a private room, hours to see a Dr, to be told I would have to come back after the weekend.

Numb, I just felt numb, I refused to allow the dread that filled me take over.

Monday came, a scan showed that baby one had no heartbeat, baby two was very slow. Come back in two weeks they said. I didn't need them to tell me two weeks later, my babies were gone, I would never kiss their chubby cheeks or smell that new born smell. A missed miscarriage they called it, a silent loss. Here's some paperwork, sign here. Come back tomorrow, and a general anaesthetic will make it all better. Then the tears came, and they didn't stop. The pitiful looks, the awkward silences, I wanted to hide away. Time moves on, two thin blue lines and the grip of terror, will it happen again, can history repeat itself. My poor midwife, I was a wreck, not until they placed my beautiful rainbow boy in my arms did I feel able to relax. Three years on, the pain is still there, I've just learned to deal with it differently, not a day goes by when I don't feel lucky to have my beautiful children. Outwardly I am a mom of 3, in my heart I will always be a mom of 5.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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