Next we saw the consultant whose first words were "of course you know your baby is dead."

I had to go home at 28 weeks to then come back in the next day to be induced.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.


by Amanda

May 2016

I fell pregnant in the late spring with a due date of April 1987. Everything was going well until I got to 24 weeks when I developed itching on my palms and splinter bruises under my nails. It was put down to dealing with an unusual plant given to me by my mother in law. At the Midwife appointment I hadn't put any weight on and she said it was OK.

4 weeks later at the Midwife s appointment she couldn't find the heartbeat. I saw the doctor who couldn't get rid of me any faster, abandoning me at the reception to make an appointment for a scan. The next day with my mum for support, we went to the scan. The sonographer didn't speak to me at all. Next we saw the Consultant whose first words were "of course you know your baby is dead." I screamed and screamed.

I had to go home at 28 weeks to then come back in the next day to be induced.

I regard that time as being somewhat abused as the House Officer tried to pass a tube into my cervix to drip prostaglandin in my womb. He was brutal with hands like bunches of bananas. He was rude and disrespectful telling me to not make a fuss! I told him that he wasn't touching me again without an epidural.

This was administered and I was taken to delivery. My body pushed out the baby by itself. There were no Midwives present just my incredibly upset husband. We called the Midwife in and they cleaned me up and put the body of my baby boy in a metal dish. I was allowed to look not touch or hold. The body was quite macerated showing the baby had been dead for while. He weighed 500g. I was put on the maternity ward very near to the nursery! I was discharged once the epidural wore off.

I saw the consultant and asked for a Post Mortem which he said they would. We went home. 6 weeks later going back for the follow up and the results of the PM only to be told they didn't know where the baby went. He had been thrown away! The consultant said to my angry words "if you don't like it you can go elsewhere!". His  final words were wait 4 months before trying again.

We did and got pregnant again only to have the baby die at 18 weeks.

I was suicidal ringing the Samaritans, on anti depressants. It turned out I had undiagnosed Lupus, which was diagnosed at Tommy's. It took a further 5 years to get pregnant again, but I didn't enjoy even one minute thinking the baby could die at any time.

Queens Medical Centre Nottingham got us through to 36 weeks when I had our son, born early because I had pre-eclampsia and the baby wasn't growing any more. It is nearly 30 years since I lost the babies and I remember every detail. By a strange quirk the first was born 12/12/86 the second 12/09/1987 exactly 9 months between. I had nothing from either pregnancy other than my memories.


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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer


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