I was married to my first husband for 7 years with no pregnancy. I was told I would never have children when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Unfortunately my first marriage ended.
When I met my new husband Phil, I told him from the start I would never be able to have children - if that was something he wanted, then he needed to find someone else.
After being with Phil for 6 months I fell pregnant. I was so confused. I was told I couldn't have children but the pregnancy test was positive. I was shocked but happy. I told Phil who also was happy and confused!
We didn't tell anyone. It was a secret until we saw our little baby for the first time. It was so hard to not tell our families
At 9 weeks I started to have severe pain. I thought it was my endometriosis. I went to GP who said I would need to go to A&E. I had blood tests that confirmed my pregnancy was OK, but they still wanted to keep me in and repeat bloods in two days.
Phil had to tell our family, who were overjoyed.
Two days went past. My levels were supposed to double, but didn't. They decided they would repeat in another two days.
On the 5/11/04 our world crashed! My Levels had dropped
A doctor came and told me that I would miscarry and gave me a leaflet. Fireworks were going off and I was in bits. Phil was in a state too, but had to leave me on my own in a ward.
For two weeks Phil and I didn't speak much. He was a mess and so was I. Family, friends don't understand, "at least you got pregnant" or "it wasn't meant to be" does not really help!
In March 2006 I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby. Although the 9 months were very hard, and I was worrying constantly, our little girl Katie was born 15/12/06.
In June 2009 I fell pregnant again, but I instantly knew was something wrong. With Katie I had hyperemisis, so was always sick. Everyone said that it's different with your next child. But deep down I knew.
Blood tests that I had before confirmed after few days that I would miscarry. I was devastated, and so was Phil. Why us!!!
Again people were saying "well you have Katie". Yes we did, but we wanted her to have a brother or sister.
In Aug 2010 I fell pregnant again. This time the hyperemisis came back!! This felt awful but I knew it would be OK.
On 29/4/11 our little boy Jamie was born. Our family seemed complete. We never forget the 5th of November or 3rd June and our two children know that mummy lost two babies.
Some people say they aren't babies until they are born, but to me they were, I had them in my tummy, they were part of me.
Never ever forget.
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