Neither of us had ever felt this pain and it was absolutely devastating

Angry that I couldn't just give my son a sibling. Angry that I had spent a total of 9 months pregnant all up with no baby. And for what? To feel my heart break all over again.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE stories, 16/01/2017, by Melanie

Early in 2013 my now husband and I started trying for our first baby. It was all so new and exciting and we couldn't wait to be parents.

After almost a year of trying we fell pregnant! We were so excited! I was extremely sick for most of my pregnancy but I went on to have a beautiful little boy who is not two and a half years old. He's definitely our little sunshine baby. 

When he was born we agreed we wouldn't prevent pregnancy at all, we were happy for another baby and knew it took a little while the first time. When our son was 10 months old I fell pregnant again. 

We went to our dating scan at 7 weeks and saw a healthy little baby with its little heart beating away. Saw baby again at 10 weeks and again had a nice healthy heartbeat.

At 13 weeks we went for another scan where we were told the baby no longer had a heartbeat. I was sent for a d&c a couple of days later.

We were so heartbroken. Neither of us had ever felt this pain and it was absolutely devastating. 

We decided very quickly to try again. After almost a year we fell pregnant again, at 4 weeks I was in excruciating pain and was taken to emergency. It was there that I found out it was an ectopic pregnancy.This dragged on for a long time.

I refused all medical management as I didn't feel I needed it but was ready to accept if that changed. At what would have been 9 weeks we found the pregnancy in my right ovary and I had started having some internal bleeding. The pregnancy had popped through my ovary and internally miscarried causing very little damage to our surprise. We were lucky to avoid surgery! 

We fell pregnant quickly again. About three months later! This if to be it right? It couldn't happen again?! 

7 weeks we had a beautiful healthy baby and heartbeat! 11 weeks, that again changed. Baby had passed away.

I went for a d&c the next day and felt so angry. Angry that I couldn't just give my son a sibling. Angry that I had spent a total of 9 months pregnant all up with no baby. Angry that I had been sick or in agony that entire time. And for what? To feel my heart break all over again. 

I don't know if we will ever be ready to try again but if we are I can only hope that we will get a healthy happy baby next time.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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