My relationship ended that week not only my pregnancy

To know that something so important to you is not important to your significant other is soul crushing.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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October 2016

Heather Hickman

On the 26th August 2015 I found out I was pregnant. It was a planned pregnancy and we had been trying for about 2 years. I knew something wasn't right with my body and I had felt terrible for a few days, being lethargic, backache and my teeth where so so sensitive!

I did a test - one of those cheap ones from the pound shop - and there was a faint line..... I couldn't quite believe it!

So 3 Clearblue tests later confirmed that I was pregnant. I was shocked, excited, anxious worried and overjoyed all at once. I was really looking forward to telling my partner of 4 years that we where going to have a baby!

I waited for my son to go to bed, and then gave my partner the tests - he was happy..... I mean I wanted him to jump around with joy ... but a "that's great news" and a hug was great!

I determined that I was only "just" pregnant, 4 weeks if that... but that didn't matter! I loved my little "pip" already and was making plans, wondering what she would look like (I was convinced it would be a girl) how she would smell, how me and her dad would parent together.... all of those wonderful, exciting things that would happen because of this little miracle!.....

I also felt a lot of anxiety - I have had 2 miscarriages before and both where awful, and I was worried that I would end up loosing this one too!

I started to bleed on the 6th September - I was shocked and started to shake - I KNEW what was happening - this wasn't just a bit of "bleeding"......

My partner was outside so I opened the door to tell him, expecting him to rush to my side, give me a hug and tell me to rest.......I said "I just wanted to let you know that I'm bleeding...." .... his answer? "Its not a big deal, it happens a lot in the first stages, and if you do loose it, I will F**k you again and again until another ones in there"..

I shut the door... and I died a little bit inside. I just went to bed..... I knew there would be no support from him..... which hurt me so badly - how can I count on him for support, when he acts like this over a miscarriage?

I grieved for my Pip, I grieved for myself and I grieved for the loss of my relationship - I knew at that point that it was over and I would be on my own dealing with a miscarriage.

My partner came in and asked if I was ok. I didn't want to speak to him.... again he reiterated that it didn't matter, that it wasn't important, that it wasn't a miscarriage and that all would be well.

I tried to sleep - but the pain awful, every stab reminding me of what was happening. Several times in the night I got up to use the toilet, with each trip a little more of my pregnancy being lost.

In the morning he got angry because I didn't go to work, he didn't even ask how I was... then went off to work leaving me to take my son to school, a painful and humiliating 45 minute walk in total.

That day I lay on the sofa or in bed praying for it to stop, praying that it was all a dream.... angry with the world, angry with my partner for clearly not caring......I had called the hospital who told me to come to the antenatal department the next day.

I texted and told my partner this who firstly asked why I needed to go, why I hadn't told him I was miscarrying and that he couldn't come to the hospital as he was working......

I was barely able to function the that day the next or the next....

I turned up at the hospital - the nearest one to me to be told "you have come to the wrong hospital"..... and despite the waiting room being empty the refused to scan me.. I felt my pregnancy was not important, that my babies life wasn't important........

I went home.... there I was accused of being weak, flakey and told to "get over it" "its not the end of the world" "we can try again" - all things you don't want to hear when your body has failed you, you're in pain - physically and emotionally and with every stab of pain a little more is being torn away.....

He took me out for lunch....... I didn't want to go, but he thought it would be good to "take your mind off things" - he even wanted me to ride my bicycle to the restaurant.......then seamed shocked when I said no, I'm in pain..........

When it was finally over... when I stopped bleeding, I stopped caring.... I blamed myself...... knowing that I couldn't do anything to stop it but knowing it was my fault.... My relationship ended that week not only my pregnancy. I didn't want him near me..... I didn't want him to touch me.........

4 months later or no sex and bad emotional scar, I asked that asshole to leave.......I have experienced miscarriage a total of 3 times now - but this was by far my worse experience..... to know that something so important to you is not important to your significant other is soul crushing, I had never felt so alone in my life.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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