#misCOURAGE 04/08/17 by Megan
How did I get so lucky? This beautiful smile I now see every morning.
This pretty face that's there next to me when I wake up. This little lady doesn't know just how precious she is. How much she has healed and how wanted she is.
January 2016 we lost our first pregnancy at 5 weeks, from seeing that positive clear blue test to having those dreams shattered just days later. The sharp twinge at work, the spotting on the paper. Just knowing what was to come. Then the denial once confirmed at the hospital.
2 months later, staring at the two lines on the test. Repeatedly testing. Obsessing over it. If the lines got darker then this was my "sticky one".The lines got darker, but it didn't ease my anxiety.
It didn't clear away my thoughts of "this isn't right". At 4+6 I was admitted for right sided pain and bleeding. Scan at 5 weeks. Sac and yolk. This was positive. Follow up scan at 6+3 there was our little bean flickering away.
But I still felt on edge. At 9+3 we booked a private scan.There was a problem. Baby bean had severe NT fluid. A chromosome disorder most likely. And judging by the severity of the nuchal fluid baby would most likely pass in utero. Follow up scan at 10+4. The quiet screen. The Doctors face "I'm so sorry". The 3 students who took notes.
I knew it. Another one. What have we done wrong?
April 29th 2016 I had my D&C. It was final. A week later I was in again for a haemorrhage, and a blockage in my cervix. Told that if I'd left it another 24 hours before coming in I'd be needing a hysterectomy (at 22!) and that due to the infection I had I may struggle to conceive again.
April 29th 2017 I had an emergency Cesarean due to failure to progress caused by scarring from that D&C.April 29th 2016 we left the the maternity hospital empty hearted and empty armed.
April 29th 2017 we had our rainbow.
In that same hospital. We where now the people we'd so envied this time a year before.I'm not saying everything happens for a reason. But this little girl is definitely my reason for carrying on, and not giving up.Everyone asked us how we could put ourselves through trying again, risk losing again, she is my reason.
Our hope turned into her.
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