My rainbow baby

My emotions after those first few months were all over the place and I experienced anger, sadness and guilt.

Story of Miscourage

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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Story of #miscourage by Amy, 

At the beginning of July 2015 I discovered that I was pregnant. It was my first pregnancy and we had kept it quiet that my husband and I were planning on starting a family.

The countdown was on until my 12 week scan which was due to take place near the end of August.

The closer I got to that date, the more optimistic I became about my chance of miscarriage dropping. However, when I got to 11 weeks I was away with my friend in the Cotswolds and I started spotting. Frantic googling told me that it could be normal or could be a sign of a miscarriage. As it was a Saturday, I was unable to book in at my local EPU and opted to book a private appointment to calm my nerves. Going into the scan clinic, I explained my situation to the receptionist and I went into the ultrasound room.

All I remember was silence.

The woman kept going back and forth over my pelvis and saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'. The sac measured 9+ weeks.

She quickly told the receptionist what had happened and they asked if I'd wait in the waiting room while they printed the report for my GP. I refused as there were 3 heavily pregnant women with partners and children in there and I was alone (my husband was away).

I left in shock and the minute I got to my car I burst into tears. I started miscarrying naturally a few days later and ended up in hospital. My local hospital were so supportive and on leaving, promised me that they would give me an early scan if I fell pregnant again.

My emotions after those first few months were all over the place and I experienced anger, sadness and guilt. It took ten weeks for my cycle to return so I could try again. One thing that made it difficult during that time was putting on a brave face to my friends and family.

I recall one occasion when I broke down at work, two colleagues came and found me and I ended up telling them everything. I felt incredibly alone and reading others stories on Tommy's made my feelings feel normal and it was good to hear success stories. I was desperate to try again but terrified of it happening again.

I was extremely lucky to fall pregnant on the cycle after that in November 2015. I contacted my local EPU and they booked a scan for me when I was 8 weeks. I was incredibly nervous, one minute convinced that something was going to go wrong and the next thinking 'I've had my sad news, this time things are going to be OK.' On the 23rd December 2015 I attended my scan to find that I was expecting twins.

I was amazed and incredibly excited. I booked a further private scan just over 2 weeks later to confirm the two babies had healthy heartbeats and were growing normally. It was only after that, I began to relax.

Unfortunately by the time I got to my dating scan at almost 14 weeks I was told that one twin had stopped growing. What should have been an exciting moment turned to sadness. I knew it happened in around 10-20% of twin pregnancies but again I just hoped that we wouldn't be in that statistic. We were so nervous about something happening to our other baby that we didn't feel as excited as we should have done.

Apart from friends and family, we kept our pregnancy quiet until 17 weeks when we had a follow up scan.

Fast forward 5 months and our gorgeous Stanley was born in July 2016. He brings us so much joy and happiness every day and we feel so lucky to have him.

This October I am running the Chester Marathon for Tommy's. I was due to run just after my first miscarriage in October 2015 but had stopped my training as I was expecting to be 4-5 months pregnant at the time of the marathon.

I made a decision that day that I would run it one day and raise money to support women going through what I went through.

Go to the full list of stories.

Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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Please note that these comments are monitored but not answered by Tommy’s. Please call your GP or maternity unit if you have concerns about your health or your baby’s health.

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