After 10 months of trying to conceive, I was so happy to see a positive pregnancy test, and 9 weeks on with morning sickness in full flow the small amount of spotting I experienced didn't worry me too much. I wasn't expecting to be told at the scan that it wasn't good news. My much longed for second child had died.
Four weeks after my ERPC I feel like everyone expects me to be ok again. To have moved on. I should be happy that at least I can get pregnant. All of my friends have had their second children and I'm waiting for my first period again after losing my baby.
I'm so grateful for my son but I'd love to complete my family. The added guilt that I feel about having one child when some people can't have any just adds to how awful I feel.
Just because it's common in general does not mean it's common for that person. I have never felt so alone despite everyone trying so hard to be nice. I feel bad that the age gap between my son and his sibling will be much bigger than I hoped for and that, despite my best efforts, he's had to see me feeling down.
I really hope I have a happy ending and I'm trying so hard to feel positive but the pain is just too much some days.
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