by Marie Cooke
In may 2014 me and my husband got married after being together for 11 years. We decided to come off the pill a week before our wedding. I always said I never wanted children from a young age but knowing I was getting married and settled it only seemed natural. It took 5 months for us to fall pregnant I couldn't believe it when I took the test. My husband and I were estatic, but scared to death also knowing that I had a life growing inside of me that now took priority over everything else.
I was a happy healthy 27 year old and never once did a miscarriage pass my mind. I got my scan date through which happened to fall on my birthday which made it even more exciting: it would have been a nice birthday present to see our baby for the 1st time and bring the scan pictures home to show my family who were also very excited.
But that day never turned out how I'd imagined it.
I'd had a missed miscarriage the baby had stop growing at 5 weeks just as I found out I was pregnant. The sack was 7 weeks and 4 days at no point had I had any bleeding or severe pain it was just an absolute shock I couldn't believe it.
I wasn't even sure what a missed miscarriage meant but my immediate thought was I've let my husband and my family down; the guilt was horrendous. I chose to have the operation to have it removed. I've never felt so scared or alone even though I had everyone's support. I just remember waking up in recovery there was nurse saying don't worry now it's all over. I just burst into tears that was it that was the moment it was all over my baby was gone.
I tortured myself for months trying to figure out what I'd done so wrong that caused this to happen but I know now it wasn't my fault, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. Women need to speak up about their loss. Even if you haven't got a child yet we were mothers at some point, despite what other people might say
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