#misCOURAGE story, 02/03/2017, by anonymous
On Monday I found out that my baby's heart had stopped beating at around 8 weeks. I should have been just over 11 weeks and bursting with the excitement of announcing the news to anyone and everyone as soon we had had our 12 week scan.
Me and my partner were so excited. I'd even started to get a little bump. My beautiful baby bump.
A few weeks before I had some pink spotting and I didn't think anything of it. Over the next couple of weeks I started to feel like my symptoms were dying down - perhaps it's because I'm getting closer to my 2nd trimester I thought.
I wish I had gone to the hospital then. I knew they wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.
I got more spotting and contacted my doctor who arranged a scan.
They told me my baby had died it's heart was no longer beating. My heart felt like it had been torn out of my body. Why me?! Had I done something wrong?!
The nurse discussed the different options I had. I chose to have a D&C it felt like the right decision so I could start to grieve and hopefully look towards my future.
I am currently recovering from the D&C. I feel empty. I feel lost.
I am lucky to have such a supportive partner and family to care for me and help me on what I can only call a rollercoaster of emotions.
I have posted my story anonymously to save my partner from any further heart ache. I don't wish this upon anyone and my heart goes out to any woman to lose a baby no matter the circumstance.
What I can say is make sure you have a friend or someone close you can speak to about it. Cry as much as you like and remember it wasn't your fault
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