by Jill Denton
We had been try to get pregnant for 9 months when I finally got pregnant, we were over the moon. The date of my 12 week scan came around I was so excited. I knew something was wrong when the sonographer was silent and turned the monitor away. Sadly the baby had stopped growing, my body was still pregnant, but my baby had died.
I was told it was called a missed miscarriage. It was something I couldn't understand after all I wasn't bleeding, all my symptoms were there still I was devastated. I was booked in for a D&C the following Monday. All weekend I was a mess I felt like I was being made to get rid of my baby after all I wasn't bleeding I still felt pregnant
It took me a while to get my head around it.
The morning of the D&C came round and I was surprisingly calm. I sat waiting for surgery totally relaxed until it came time to go to theatre. I walked down the corridor hugging my pillow, crying all the way. Going into the prep room I lost it totally. Thankfully three months later we were blessed again, every appointment and ultrasound I dreaded, I was convinced there would be nothing there, but everything was fine and baby girl was born.
Then again when she was 18 mths old we decided to try again, two years later I got pregnant again after starting down the fertility investigation route we were over the moon. Then at 5+5 I had the most excruciating pain I went to hospital, the pregnancy was ectopic and there was fluid in my abdomen. I had surgery that afternoon to remove the baby and my tube! I grieved the loss of my tube and baby.
Then on my second cycle I got pregnant again I couldn't believe it after two years now I was pregnant again within months, we were this time blessed with a boy, but the fear of that first ultrasound experience has stayed with me all the way through.
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