So here it is, my story.
I was 17 when I found out that I was pregnant, me and my partner decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, in fact we were excited after the initial shock had set in.
We told our parents, our families, our friends. We started to by items, bottles, baby grows,bouncer, excitement was definitely there! I was due to become an auntie for the first time shortly, and me and my sister were sharing his beautiful experience together.
So scan day came and everything was well, exactly how you would expect a first scan to go, no issues at all, a date for a second scan, everything was going swimmingly along with morning sickness.
September 3rd my beautiful nephew was born, this had got everyone even more excited to see a wonderful baby all over again, then September 13th came and it was a normal day, I was feeling worse for ware but put it down to morning sickness and being tired.
10pm that evening and things changed there me and my partner were lying in bed and all of a sudden a gush of water and blood came paying through my bed, my brother and mother ran upstairs to my screams and rang an ambulance.
Things were very quick from there.
I was moved from 1 hospital to another, at which point I remember my mother coming with me and my partner being kept in a waiting room, he still thought it was all procedure and everything was fine, me and my mother on the other hand new different.
Nurses and doctors started coming into the room, explaining about a procedure they would do and all I had to do was to lay still and breathe into gas and air. It was very late and I was very tired, I wish they'd never done it, I was so do stresses all I could do was to defend myself I kicked and screamed and even bit my mother in the process, I didn't want these people taking my baby away they were telling me how my placenta and baby weren't coming away as they should, I didn't understand this, if it was hanging on hybrid couldn't they save things?
My body wanted to hang on so why an earth couldn't they help!
I was so angry by this point I would not allow another nurse to touch me that evening. In the morning I was so happy with gas and air that they could do anything to me, I don't really know what I signed it was something to do with remains but I was away with the fairies, personally now thinking back on it I shouldn't have signed anything like that until I was more aware of what was going on as I don't now two years on have any recollection of what has happened to my baby's remains.
I was 15 and a half weeks so I'm assuming the hospital disposed of them..which hurts a lot. I went through a d&c procedure to get things away and then I ground finally go home to grieve, my brother carried me from the hospital to the car, my brother is younger than me by two years so he was only 15 himself he had cleaned all the mess at home and waited 2 hrs in a blood soaked bathroom for my dad and I would have no way managed or still manage without him, my little Angel!
Me and my partner still talk about everything which I find helps me an awful lot we do cry at times but never alone, we plant flowers and buy things that we think will remind us of the baby every day!
This is my story to end the stigma that it's not just 'one of those things' or 'fate working in strange ways' My Baby matters. My baby will always matter.
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