In 2010 I had my eldest daughter, the pregnancy was easy with very few problems, even the labour and birth were fairly easy and simple. It never even crossed my mind that anything might go wrong. I was so naive. I've since had two miscarriages. Two babies I never got to meet, but whose life had been planned out in my head from that very first positive pregnancy test. The first time I miscarried at only 6 weeks, just a week after finding out I was pregnant. I fell pregnant again less than 6 months later and this time, thanks to a very understanding GP, was given an early scan and everything seemed fine. Until 8 weeks when I miscarried again. I have since gone on to have two more healthy babies but each pregnancy was filled with anxiety and fear.
Apparently I'm 'lucky'. Both losses were so early on and both came away naturally with very little pain and zero complications or medical intervention.
Since when can loosing a baby at any stage be considered lucky?
Apparently I'm lucky that I didn't reach a scan only to have my excitement crushed, apparently I'm lucky that I didn't have to birth or bury these babies, apparently I'm lucky that I didn't make it far enough to be prepared for an arrival that never comes. Yes I appreciate that my losses were 'easy'. Physically. Not emotionally. Those babies were very much wanted and very much loved but what comes from having such early losses is that you are left with nothing. No scans. No pictures. No baby to bury. I have a couple of sheets of paper from the early pregnancy unit that state I miscarried. Those sheets of paper are the only things to even acknowledge those babies ever even existed.
People seem to think that once it's over its over but that's just not the case. You never forget but it's so difficult to talk about and when I do talk about it I often find I get told that I'm lucky. How crazy is that? Because I didn't go through hell physically I'm lucky? No one who experiences any kind of child loss would agree because they understand the emotional aspect of loosing a child.
I hope that these stories serve to educate people and remove that taboo, that normality and that thoughtlessness that often surrounds miscarriage. 1 in 4 is a shocking statistic but because it's so common its seemingly accepted as 'just one of those things'. That really needs to change.
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