by Katie May Ramsden
I became a mum almost five years ago now to a healthy happy wonderful little boy. Three years ago I wanted to give him a brother or sister, I got pregnant straight away and was over the moon. I had not a worry in the world and I was so excited.
A couple of weeks later I began bleeding and had miscarried. My heart ached and I couldn't believe what had happened, a month later I found out I was pregnant again.
I was half happy, half scared; my hopes and dreams had been destroyed just a month before but I held on to hope.
Weeks went by and at 8 weeks I had a scan due to bleeding to discover baby had stopped growing several weeks ago, another miscarriage. I just didn't know what to do any more.
I felt the deepest darkest sadness and I just could not feel OK.
My son was my absolute rock and I felt more lucky than ever to have him. My relationship broke down shortly after in a horrible way, me and my son moved on I was so blessed to have him but so miserable that I lost the chance of him having a sibling and it took along time to grieve.
Three years on I am here, feeling like the luckiest person alive to have my almost 5 year old son, a wonderful devoted partner and be almost 13 weeks pregnant.
It has been a rollercoaster of emotion, I have been told several times miscarriage is likely, I've bled throughout this pregnancy and had incredibly down days.
But this time it is my time, this baby is a fighter and is absolutely wanted and adored more than anything.
Miscarriage is a horrendous, heartbreaking thing and the memories and sadness never truly goes away.
But no matter how hopeless you feel one day you will get your rainbow. This pregnancy hasn't been plain sailing but I know, in 6 months time when they are hopefully perfectly safe in my arms I know my life will be complete and i will truly have a miracle.
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