#misCOURAGE story, 16/05/2017, by Anisa
This was my 5th pregnancy. I have 3 children, and one previous miscarriage. This pregnancy felt different as I was more drained and tired, I put this down to being over worked, older and having other children to look after.
Anyway at about 6 weeks I had some light bleeding, and was given a early scan at 7 weeks. I saw a healthy heartbeat and was over joyed.
I was discharged and told I won't be seen again for lower abdominal pains I'd been getting.
We were so excited for our 12 week scan, we had it all planned, we wanted to tell the family after the scan. The nurse asked how many weeks I am, jokingly I said should be about 12 but I'll let you check and tell me.
She just said there's no heartbeat and it looms like your baby stopped growing at about 9 or 10 weeks.
I had no idea what I was feeling, I thought its not right. I had to get induced and gave birth to my baby in hospital, I only had my husband the nurses wouldn't come in when needed. I was in pain and more knowing my baby won't be alive.
I'd been told I won't see my baby, I seen my baby, the basic features coming through. It hurt so much, I was crying and my husband was there.
Then I had to face the afterbirth. To others it wasn't a baby, it was to early not fully developed. To me that baby was another child, like my others another plan, another dream, another part of us. My baby you'll always be mine and i will always love you.
I had to arrange a burial for a baby I never got to know, but feel like I do know. Now I wait for that day when I will bury my own child.
You're not alone, and the fathers suffer like us mothers, but the way in which they deal with things is just different.
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