Love never ends

I knew instantly I knew that my baby was gone. I went straight to the out-of-hours doctors who I explained everything too.

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Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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#misCOURAGE story, 05/07/2017, by Roxanne

Hi my name is Roxy, I would like to share my story as I think it's important! It all starts by peeing on a stick right?

That amazing exciting feeling and the butterflies seeing the positive test! I instantly started planning.

Just browsing I told myself as I would scroll through the baby pages. I wanted to tell the world and scream I'm pregnant, and I basically did, every night I would kiss my bump and say love you, it got to 11 weeks when my dream got shattered.

I knew instantly I knew that my baby was gone I went straight to the out of hours doctors who I had explained everything too. She didn't look at all worried telling me it could be nothing but we will book you in for a early scan but we have nothing till Monday. 

It was Thursday, that's a whole weekend I knew deep down my baby was gone.

I laid in bed I touched my bump and it felt empty for four days I cried my self to sleep. I wanted to scream but I'm a single mum to a beautiful 2 year old I had to keep together but I was broken and I knew she could see but I tried my best. I had a tiny bit off hope still as I was waiting for my scan, maybe I was carrying twins and I have a baby still there maybe I kept telling my self but every time I caught myself in the mirror I saw my disappearing bump.

Scan day came I knew what was coming but I didn't want to believe it but the women said the words "I'm sorry my baby died at 8 WEEKS!" That was 4 weeks ago. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

The nurse kept talking but I couldn't hear her, she said to come back the next day.That's what I did. They gave me tablets and told me to take the night before but they couldn't fit me in until the Thursday. This was getting traumatic. Wednesday I had to carry on, I took my little girl to the beach and we had tea in Frankie and Benny's.

I kissed her good night then the pain kicked in. It felt like contractions, I constantly needed the toilet. I was petrified I was alone I didn't know what to do. I then decided to write a poem to say goodbye to my baby as I wrote I kept feeling more pain like giving birth I didn't sleep a wink the next day the day off the operation.

Soon as I got in the room I just burst in to tears I told them what had happened the night before but still had to go for it. As I lay in the bed I felt nothing but guilt that I never got to kiss my baby or show my baby the world- my daughter never got to be a big sister. Walking out off the room I saw baby's everywhere I was empty. My faith in god came to a end, miracles no longer existed. 

I kept thinking to my self, but a cuddle from my daughter and I know the pain will go away, I loved this baby I never got to hold.

I will tell people that I have one daughter and one angel baby. People should talk about miscarriage because it's important to feel not alone it's OK to grief regardless what others think I will continue to tell my story and want to help people xxx

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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