by Amy Turner
Early December 2013 I found out I was expecting my first little baby!!!.. around about the same time I started spotting (I did the worst thing and Google) but convinced myself this was normal and carried on with my day. Weeks went past and the spotting had stopped.. until the week leading up to Christmas when the bleeding started again. I went to the local A&E department who told me that at this stage in pregnancy it was normal.. gave me a leaflet and sent me on my way. As the week went on the bleeding started to get heavier.. Christmas day passed .. I was booked in for an early scan on the 31st of December due to the bleeding .
The 31st came around and the bleeding was really heavy by this point and quite painful but not unbearable. Our scan was quite early in the morning so there was no waiting around feeling anxious. We arrived on the ward and we're called in. All I remember is feeling sick... scared and knowing exactly what was coming...
The lady scanned my tummy.. and kept on looking around.. she then said I can't see anything.. but I'll do an internal.
She did an internal and then confirmed I'd had a miscarriage.. I held back any signs of emotion.. any tears and just said 'ok'. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be upset or sad. Because she said it asif my baby wasn't a person or a living thing.
Blood tests were done the same day and I received a call later that evening saying my blood results had come back and was showing I was still around 7 weeks gestation. I had to take a test in 2 weeks to make sure everything had come away.
Later that evening on new years Eve I lost my beautiful baby. It was the most painful thing in the world. It was much more painful than giving birth to a living baby because this hurt physically and psychologically. I just remember feeling like I was dying.
A lot of people just didn't know what to say.. 'I'm sorry'. 'There's always next time'. 'Everything happens for a reason'. 'your young there's plenty of time for babies' 'when it's meant to be it will happen' ' it's better to happen then than at full term'. Comments like this didn't help although people thought they were trying to say the right thing... these comments hurt.. all I wanted was a hug.
I still think of my baby every single day of my life and I'll never ever forget. Every new years Eve.. every due date in august. Breaks me.
People need to remember that just because this baby didn't live on the outside.. he/she still lived in me. They were real. And these babies deserve to be acknowledged.
I now have 2 healthy babies my little Arthur and Tallulah. ♡♡
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By Anonymous (not verified) on 18 Jul 2016 - 11:35
Hi I dont no how people can be so insensitive I know its awkward & people don't no what to say but a simple sorry for your loss would suffice. Ive had 3 second trimester miscarriages & my son was stillborn at term and all 4 were unbearable& so so hard. The only difference was ive no place to visit my first 3 babies :-( In my opinion they were my babies from the moment of conception & ill mourn there passing for The rest of my life <3 Big *hugs* to all grieving parents Its the most unnatural thing To lose your child <3 <3 <3 xxx