Since being very young I'd longed to be a mummy.
May 2014 I was in a place where I considered myself to be ready to start a family.
September that year after family friends and my partner pestered me to take a test I did.
Saturday morning before work test says pregnant no way I thought so I took the next one.
Pregnant, wow I thought this is the best day ever I couldn't stop smiling, I was around 5 weeks and couldn't of been happier.
Weeks went by had an appointment to see the midwife on a Tuesday
Little did I know my happiness bubble was about to burst.
Sunday morning I go to work half way through the day I see spotting.
Monday morning miscarriage confirmed why now 10 weeks pregnant why I was broken but I couldn't cry, couldn't talk wouldn't eat I shut myself off nothing or no one could get through to me.
Why can't I have my baby jelly bean, thoughts of what did I do wrong is it my fault.
2 years later I'm now facing the very real fact that I may never be a mum and that scares me more than anything, I can't cope with the thought of never having a baby.
I'm jealous of everyone I even cried my heart out when my sister told me she was having her first.
I felt selfish I couldn't enjoy her pregnancy with her family didn't mention it when I was around.
Now I have a beautiful niece who every day I look after her I cry.
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