It’s time to start telling people about our experiences in an area I know most people take for granted – having a baby. For many people the conception and 9 months pass by with little or no issues. For those people the ultrasound waiting room and scan is a joyous experience enabling them to see what is growing inside them and what they will eventually hold in their arms. I just hope everyone who has experienced that realises how lucky they are.
For my husband and I trips to Maternity Ultrasound are a terrifying experience that induce panic attacks and a terrible feeling of dread. Each scan we have had has brought us uncertain or bad news, unfortunately we have never managed to see our baby, even though I have now been pregnant 5 times, I have lost the baby at around the 6 week mark.
Sometimes bleeding has indicated the worst has happened, other times it’s a scan showing a gestational sac that has not developed as it should.
Following our 3rd miscarriage we were allowed to have tests on the NHS – but they are basic tests and so no reason has been found to explain our losses – which is probably the hardest part to take. Nowadays people generally have the answers to everything and we are in control of things – not having a reason or any control is perhaps the most frustrating part of this.
Up until now we have kept our experiences to ourselves – mainly because we didn’t want people to know we are trying, which would just add to their expectant faces when we see people, we also don’t want pity or to make our friends feel uncomfortable when they want to take about their children – we know this is something that is specific to us (and others that go through it), and so we do not resent our friends who are lucky enough to have children.
But we feel we now need people to know, so that we do not have to hide it anymore and so that hopefully conversations can be had around this sensitive subject.
That is why Tommy’s and the work they are doing is essential to help educate people, do further research and support those that have to go through one of the hardest things imaginable.
For us now we have a decision to make about how we want to proceed, part of us feels that we would not be able to take a further loss, but another part feels like we have not yet done everything we can to try and make our dream come true. If we decide to try again, Tommy’s will be the next port of call, so if you’re reading this, please donate what you can, no matter how large or small to enable this good work to continue.
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer