#misCOURAGE story, 16/05/2017, by anonymous
After three consecutive early miscarriages, all about 6 weeks I am struggling to come to terms with the fact we will not have another child. After various investigations there doesn't seem to be a reason. Apart from being 42, and a bit overnight.
We grew up in large families and I will find it strange to have an only child. She is desperate for a sibling and frequently brings it up, pleading with me to "just grow a baby in your tummy".
I am torn too. Do we keep trying or call it a day and be happy with our little but lovely family, we have a lot to be thankful for.
I had post natal depression. The financial aspect of another child will be significant. We have very limited support. It has the potential to impact us quite badly, but still I want to try again! Why is that?
The first time I was pregnant after my daughter was born she was two and a half. The due date was my mother's birthday. She had died just after my daughters 1st birthday. Randomly, the 2nd time I was pregnant the due date was just a few days after the date she died. Both of these pregnancies I was happy and hopeful, the 3rd time I just knew it wasn't going to work.
Each time I have been devastated. Each time I have continued to work, be mum, carried on with life. It's almost expected to just try to ignore it. Especially early miscarriage.
I can't bring myself to share it with family. A close family member can't have children and I have seen the grief that has inflicted. I have a healthy happy child and I can't bring myself to share my grief with my family as I know it will be dismissed and I will just face platitudes such as "oh well, you have a wonderful child, count your blessings" .
And they are right. But I can't face hearing it from them, so nobody knows. And never will. This is one of many reasons miscarriage isn't discussed openly, or even with those close.
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