We had been trying for a baby for almost 2 years with no luck but was not pressuring ourselves, we already had one little boy who was 5 and a half. I missed my period and did a test, positive, we were over the moon. I registered with the midwife, and got the ball rolling, my scan wasn't booked until 11 weeks, so we were just waiting for that to come.( god I didn't realise writing this would be so hard). We went about our normal routine. I went shopping at around 6 weeks, went to the loo and seen blood on wiping, thought it's only a little and carried on but with it constantly playing on my mind. By the time I was home the pain started.
I contacted the OOH service who said it could be ectopic so sent me in.
After 2 days nil.by mouth, scans and bloods I was still none the wiser just saying that there was nothing to see in the scan but it could be I was too early to show. My bleeding continued and pain, but nothing massive. My husband went to ask could I have anything at all other than a sip of water as by now, I was parched and tired and totally exhausted. This is the most significant moment that will still in my mind forever, a nurse/doctor came to the door of the mixed ward ( 6 beds all full) and said "for God's sake girl you're having a miscarriage that's all, of course you can eat."
I may as well been hit by a truck at this point, I was so shocked, sickened, bewildered at this point I couldn't speak, I turned over and cried myself to sleep. That's how I was told that my darling little baby, that we had wanted so much was gone. I was discharged the following morning and told to take a pregnancy test in two weeks. I did as they said after the most horrible 2 weeks of my life and to my surprise it was positive, I phoned the hospital and was told to go in for bloods but sometimes this happens.
This was the Friday on the Sunday I had a phone call, they asked what I was doing, who was I with? , was I driving? etc, turns out my hCG had continued to rise. The pregnancy was ectopic would not survive and my life could now be at risk too and and I had to make my way to hospital as soon as possible the following morning.
It was never ending. NO-one at any point offered condolences that my precious little baby was gone. We went on to have a rainbow baby a year and a half later who is now a healthy 7 year old. But I will never forget our baby that I carried in my heart but never had a chance to carry in my arms.
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