by Sarah Allen
We had been trying for two years so to say we were overjoyed when we saw two lines on the pregnancy test is an understatement.
I did everything I should have; I didn't drink or smoke, I ate healthily and so on.
But then in September the day of the miscarriage happened and our world fell apart. We were treated awfully by the hospital which made it worse.
No one cared, but it was my baby.
I blamed myself; I felt worthless and useless. I still worked full time but wouldn't speak to anyone about it.
I turned to alcohol and I'll admit I was an alcoholic. I was only 21 and it destroyed me, thinking that I was to blame.
Then in December we found out I was pregnant again but this time the hurt, pain and worry was overpowering.
I prayed to god everyday that my baby would be okay. After a long and worrying pregnancy, on 13th September 2010 I gave birth to the most amazing and beautiful baby girl.
I instantly knew loosing my baby was not my fault and I could learn to grieve.
I now have two beautiful daughters. My second princess was born on 26th June 2012 and again the most beautiful girl in the world.
I still cry about my loss and wonder what if...but then I look at what I have and realise that it wasn't my time. I will never forget or wonder what if but it does get easier with time.
I had my daughters names tattooed on me but above their names is a star and that star is for my baby who didn't make it. I felt like giving up on life as I gave up on myself. My daughters saved me and made me believe again.
I'm glad awareness is being raised because miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience.
Thank you for letting me share this xx
Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer