I'll get an invitation to my child's funeral in the mail

I don't know when. I know I already have two children and I love them with everything I have but I still wanted this baby. I just wish I could understand why he/she was taken away.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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October 2016

Ariel

I am blessed with two beautiful children, my youngest being 5 months at the time I found out I was pregnant again.

I surprised my husband the afternoon I found out, we were a little nervous about having two so close together but we were so excited to have another little blessing come into our life.

About 4 weeks down the road I wake up with just slight pink spotting I wasn't too worried but decided to go get it checked out anyway.

I had my husband stay home with the children, fortunately my sister talked me into letting her meet me at the dr office. She herself had had 5 miscarriages and was worried, I told her I would be fine it was just a little spotting.

We eventually got into the ultrasound room at the dr office and the dr came in to do the ultrasound. I saw my baby on the computer and was waiting for the loud sound I had come to love with my first two children but it wasn't there.

The dr looked at me and said " I can't find the heartbeat, this looks like a miscarriage."

I lost it I couldn't hold it in, I was laying there half naked with a paper sheet just crying my eyes out. We weren't ready for this baby but we were still so excited.

I got dressed and cried some more while the dr told me my options.

The dr let us out the emergency exit so I wouldn't have to walk by the other pregnant women. Walking down the hall people asked me if I was alright. I wasn't. My sister supported me while I tried to get out to my car.

I had to call my husband he couldn't understand me and my sister had to take the phone to tell him. That's when I couldn't stand anymore I dropped to the ground crying I just didn't understand why this happened.

I drove home crying, screaming blasting music that wasn't even loud enough to make it go away. I have always said that the feeling of a growing life inside of you is the most wonderful thing in the world but that day I found out that my child inside of me was gone and I was and still am beyond devastated.

I decided that wanted to get the DNC because I didn't want to see anything. I scheduled my DNC that Monday morning while I was still laying in bed.

I got up to use the bathroom and it happened, I felt it. I had to do exactly what I didn't want to have to do I reached in and got my baby out of the toilet.

I woke my husband up who took care of putting the baby in something so I could go to the dr office again. They told me I would have to get another ultrasound.

It hurt having to get an ultrasound knowing there wouldn't be anything in there. The hospital was very nice explaining to me that they would bury my child in a service at some point in the near future. So I'll get an invitation to my child's funeral in the mail.

I don't know when. I know I already have two children and I love them with everything I have but I still wanted this baby. I just wish I could understand why he/she was taken away.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

Comments

  • By Anonymous (not verified) on 16 Oct 2016 - 08:39

    so sorry for your loss of your baby, thank you for sharing your story

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