If I mention the loss people try to change to subject

Sometimes it feels like I can't grieve the baby I lost without wishing my daughter wasn't here.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.


May 2016

I had a baby in 2012 and was really excited when we fell pregnant again 2 years later. At 12 weeks I had backache and slight spotting. We were away from home. We went to hospital and had a scan. I thought they would just say it was all OK but the words I heard were "we can't find your baby's heart beat". I was booked for surgery but had a natural miscarriage at home 1 week later. It was horrendous. The pain was like labour and there was so much blood and somewhere in all that was the baby I had wanted so badly flushed away. People said things like it wasn't meant to be or that at least I knew I could conceive but I already knew that and I wanted this baby.

I have never felt so empty.

My older daughter had a virus when I was seven weeks and had very flushed cheeks and I worried at the time it was slapped cheek. The doctor said he didn't think it was but I often wonder if that led to the miscarriage. I know I'll never know. I was lucky to get pregnant again in a few months a now have two little girls. My baby couldn't have been here if I had not had the miscarriage as I was pregnant with her by the time of my due date with the baby I lost. I had thought this would help me but sometimes it feels like I can't grieve the baby I lost without wishing my daughter wasn't here. If I mention the loss people will try to change to subject and although I am so grateful for what I have, what we lost that day will never be forgotten.

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Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer


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