If I can take one lesson from my experience, it's to be more aware of what I say to others

I'll never say to a friend 'oh when are you going to have children' or 'do you not want another?'

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

My husband and I got married in 2015 after 11 years and two beautiful boys. We both agreed we would like one more baby to finally complete our family. After the wedding I was convinced I was pregnant but tests kept coming back negative. I had all the symptoms, although mild.

Just before New Year those two blue lines appeared. We were so excited, we told our sons and immediate family. A week later the worst happened. I started to bleed. No pain but I knew what was coming. It was a shock to me as I had two great pregnancies already. Why should this not work?

We should have been 10 weeks but a scan revealed our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. For a week I was in and out of hospital having scans, bloods taken and tests. They wanted to be certain before confirming what we already knew in our hearts.

The worse part of our experience was when people started to say 'at least you have children already'. Is the pain we feel lessened because we already have children? That truly hurt, and felt I like people didn't believe we had the right to grieve our loss. I believe losing a baby is equally hard on anyone who has this misfortune in life.

Two months later we found out we are pregnant again which is bitter sweet. I've had three scans before 12 weeks, but I know I'm going to feel anxious until they are here with us. 

If I can take one lesson from my experience though, it's to be more aware of what I say to others. We don't know what people are going through and some people struggle to share their experiences. I'll never say to a friend 'oh when are you going to have children' or 'do you not want another?'

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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