Writing this while suffering severe cramps with my second miscarriage.
Can't even begin to describe the pain both physically and mentally.
This miscarriage was what they called missed as they discovered at my 12 week scan my baby had no heart beat. The fetus stopped growing at 9 weeks. My first was just an empty sac that when I was 11 weeks pregnant I started bleeding.
I feel very alone, if I had just given birth I would be awash with visitors yet miscarry and no one visits.
When you're in labour plenty of help available yet miscarry and your sent home alone.
The sadness is horrible I feel a sense of loss of emptiness. Its so hard to explain.
I would love to try for another baby but scared the same will happen.
Just feel that there isn't much help out there for people who miscarry its a very dark and lonely place to be in.
People keep telling me I have 3 kids I should be happy it's not that I am not happy. I am, and I know I am blessed, that doesn't stop the pain of loosing a pregnancy any easier.
I feel anger, I hate seeing prams babies, I even shouted abuse at a pregnant woman smoking. It breaks my heart.
Even people telling me how common miscarriages are doesn't help. Why am I the 10%, why am I the 1 in 4, what did I do to deserve this, what did I do wrong?
When the midwife told me fetus stopped at 9 weeks I spent hours working out what day it was, what did I do differently that day. Truth is it's not my fault and nothing I did caused this yet you still get no comfort from that.
Once I am back on my feet I will seek help for how I feel. But for now just have to concentrate on getting through this miscairrage and staying strong.
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