I won't believe it is really happening until the day I'm holding my baby in my arms

This is supposed to be a time to enjoy but all I can do is worry, hoping that everything is OK.

Heartbreaking stories. Devastating stories. The miscarriage story needs to change. That's why we've created Tommy's book of #misCOURAGE. Read this story now and help spread the word that miscarriage can no longer be ignored. Help us change the story to save babies' lives.

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May 2016

After being on the contraceptive pill for 10 years me and my partner decided the time was right to start a family. After no period or withdraw bleed I decided to take a test. It was positive. We were so happy words could not describe. We told our close family at around 4 1/2 weeks as we were too excited. 

At 5 weeks I started to lose a brown discharge like substance. I contacted my early pregnancy clinic who sent me for bloods and 2 days later I had an internal scan. Everything was there and developed to the stage my blood results shown. This was so much of a relief. The discharge continued and at around the 6 week mark I lost red blood. I was even more worried by this point. 

Again I contacted the early pregnancy clinic who were not concerned at all. I was told I could bleed for 2 weeks following an internal scan and unless I was soaking through a sanitary towel a hour it was nothing to worry about. 

I got to 9 weeks with intermittent loss and contacted the early pregnancy clinic for a 3rd time. This time they agreed to scan me again. 

As I walked into the room the sonographer asked if I still felt pregnant which made me question myself. Did I? I got on the bed and there was silence as she started to scan me. Then I heard 'it's bad news'. That was it we were heartbroken. My baby stopped developing at around 6 weeks but we were 9 weeks into the pregnancy. As nothing was happening naturally I opted to be booked in the next day for medical management. 4 tablets inserted into my vagina and 2 orally. Passing my dead baby was the worst thing I have ever had to do. 

People saying to us 'it's better it happened early on' or 'your only young your time will come'. Why is it better? What if our time doesn't come again? For weeks after I couldn't stop crying, I still often do.

I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and the stress hasn't gotten any easier. This is supposed to be a time to enjoy but all I can do is worry, hoping that everything is OK. I won't believe it is really happening until the day I'm holding my baby in my arms.

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Disclaimer

Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommy’s Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of Tommy’s and are not advice from Tommy's. Reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified health care provider. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. Read full disclaimer

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